<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>She, like the Fireworks by Disincanto294</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28458735">She, like the Fireworks</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Disincanto294/pseuds/Disincanto294'>Disincanto294</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Birthday, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Holidays, Light Angst, Love, New Year's Eve, New Year's Kiss, Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, Slice of Life, Valentine's Day</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 23:34:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>30,221</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28458735</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Disincanto294/pseuds/Disincanto294</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Severus Snape will forever remember that New Year's Eve, spent on the roof of Grimmauld Place together with Hermione Granger. He will also remember the days that followed, lived in a whirlwind of emotions, because he will finally have his second chance at life.</p><p>Story written for New Year's Eve 2020</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hermione Granger/Severus Snape</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>142</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>349</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>
  <strong><em>31<sup>st</sup>  December 1998</em> </strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He had never cared for these kinds of things, for the time that passed and for the days he wasted by living a life he hated with all his being. New Year… he didn’t give a damn about it.</p>
<p>It had always been the same shit, if not worse, every bloody year. The Dark Lord loved to set up raids on the 31st December, to take away people from their evening fun and make them scream in agony until the last cries would leave their bodies for ever. He had lost count of how many New Year’s Eve he had spent like that, wearing his silver mask and dark Death Eaters robe, looking at the green aloo of the Killing Course.</p>
<p>That year however, everything was different. The Dark Lord was nothing more than a dead body while he himself an empty case. His soul and his heart shattered. He had felt them go into pieces for years until there was not much left besides his guilt and shame.</p>
<p>He longed for a new life but had no idea where to start. He guessed he should probably have accepted Molly’s invitation to go to the Burrow and spend the night with her family and the other members of the Order of the Phoenix, but he knew he would never feel comfortable around them. He had never belonged there, no matter how hard Albus had tried to instil in people his trust. They had never really trusted him; he was aware of that.</p>
<p>Therefore, that’s why Severus Snape found himself waiting for the beginning of a new year at Grimmauld Place, alone. Or so he thought.</p>
<p>He very slowly took the stairs to the attic, a blanket in one hand and his wand in the other, and when he reached the window he halted and looked outside. It was a beautiful night. With a wave of his wand the window opened, and he went outside, carefully putting a hand on the tiles so as to keep his balance.</p>
<p>Severus found a safe spot and sit down, putting his arms around his knees. The night breeze was fresh and welcome in his pale flesh where the moon and the stars reflected their magnificent light. The sky was a deep blue, nearly black, and clear of clouds. It was peaceful over there and he found himself softly closing his eyes and breathing deeply. It was like heaven, peaceful and quiet, and he could let himself shed his many masks, those he had created to keep the sorrow hidden.</p>
<p>When he opened his eyes, it was only because his nostrils flared at the unexpected smell that had inebriated the air. Old books, vanilla and tea leaves, all mixed together with a very unique feminine scent. Even before he had heard or seen her, Severus knew it was Hermione Granger.</p>
<p>She had had the audacity to help him, to save his life. He could never forget her big brown eyes, tearful and worried like he had never seen them, nor her scent which was even stronger than that of the blood. He had lost so much of that, but she had been there for him, while everyone fought for their respective lives, whispering soft pleading words and asking him to stay awake, to be strong… He was grateful for what she had done, for the second chance she had provided him, but at the same time he couldn’t help but hate her. He had wanted to close his eyes, to finally die. His much-deserved rest had however never come. Thanks to her, or because of her.</p>
<p>“Professor…” she murmured softly looking at him. She was wearing a light, perhaps too light for the weather but she had probably placed a charm on it to keep her warm, black dress which fit her just perfectly. Her bushy hair was combed back in a loose bun from which some locks had escaped their confinement and were brushing her cheeks. He wasn’t blind and he could perfectly see that she had morphed into a beautiful young woman.</p>
<p>“What are you doing here, Miss Granger?” he asked, his eyes boring into her. He had intended to use a calm tone, as he didn’t feel like ruining his evening nor hers, but as soon as the words were out of his mouth, he knew that he had snapped at her. She flinched and briefly looked away before straightening her back meeting his eyes. She was fierce with her set jaw and flashing eyes and she didn’t back away, choosing instead to sit beside him. “Why aren’t you at the Burrow, then?” he tried again, and this time his voice was softer.</p>
<p>“Because you are here, sir.” She only said, looking at the sky.</p>
<p>“What is that supposed to mean, Granger?” he asked, exasperation clear in his voice. She didn’t speak immediately, but when she did her voice was soft like he had never heard her.</p>
<p>“You shouldn’t spend your time alone. That’s why I am here.”</p>
<p>He wasn’t sure if he was more shocked or angry by her words. He didn’t want pity, and he certainly didn’t need her to look after him. He was a grown-up man and he had never needed anyone.</p>
<p>“I have no idea about what stupid notion is currently passing through your mind, silly girl, but cease it this instant! I don’t need your pity, nor anyone else’s for that matter!”</p>
<p>She actually had the temerity to laugh, like she was making fun of him, but when she spoke her voice was serious and devoid of every trace of irreverence. “Do you really think this is pity?”</p>
<p>“Is it not?” he countered, never leaving her eyes. He was a master of that art; he could make people crumble with his deep gaze if he only wished to.</p>
<p>“No, it isn’t.”</p>
<p>“And what is it, pray tell?”</p>
<p>“I…” she started, then cleared her throat, before hugging her legs and looking in the distance. “I would like to see you happy… to see you smile.”</p>
<p>Severus Snape only seldom was made speechless, and that girl had apparently managed just that. She wanted to see him happy… and smiling. He could smile, he knew how to do that, but he would never be happy. He had enough painful memories to last him more than a lifetime.</p>
<p>“It will probably sound odd to your ears Granger, but I can in fact smile.”</p>
<p>“Can you?” she asked teasingly, giving him one of her shyest smiles. Her freckles stood out on her small nose and pink cheeks, giving her a pretty look. “Show me, then.”</p>
<p>He watched her closely for a long moment, unsure of what to do. He was aware that she was teasing him without the intention of ridiculing him and perhaps that’s why he was able to relax a fraction. He averted his gaze, focusing instead on the moon who was shining in the blue sky. It was so white, a sharp contrast to the depth of the atmosphere, exactly like his stark white shirt he was wearing under his coat. He loosened first one then another button, freeing himself from the restraints his clothes provided.</p>
<p>Breathing deeply, he moved his head to look at her, and flashed her his most natural smile. It was a grimace. “See? I can smile!”</p>
<p>At that, Hermione Granger laughed. His face fell, but when her laugh subsided into a small giggle, the nervousness left him again. “That’s not a smile, Professor!” she said, nibbling at her lower lip. “This, is a smile!”</p>
<p>Severus watched as the corner of her mouth arched upwards stretching her lips and revealing her white teeth. He agreed with her, that was a smile. She had a beautiful smile, and it illuminated her face in a strange sort of way. Not only that, but she was also more beautiful when her lips reached the sky. He watched her easily smile at him, and he found himself wondering when he had stopped frightening her, because he knew that she wasn’t scared of him. That small thought warmed his heart and a little grin, one he had not expected, stretched his thin lips. He was smiling, perhaps for the first time in ages.</p>
<p>“And this too, is one.” She happily said with a soft voice and then, to his astonishment, she brushed her fingertips to his cheek. His breath hitched and he had to close his eyes against the depth of her gaze and the warmth of her touch.</p>
<p>He had spent nearly two months at St Mungo’s recovering from Nagini’s attack and his student had been there by his side almost all the time. He didn’t know why she did it, but she would often keep his hand between her smaller ones, read to him books and help him recover as fast as possible. She had done a lot for him and he had never even said a ‘thank you’ to her. What an asshole he was.</p>
<p>His skin whistled at the contact, so happy to feel her warmth again. Apart from the healers, she had been the only one to touch him in a long time, and he was grateful for that. He needed it.</p>
<p>“Granger…” he said softly, opening again his eyes and looking at her. She was still smiling, even if it was now somewhat subdued, and her cheeks were tinged in pink. She was blushing and she was beautiful.</p>
<p>“You have dimples, you know.” She stated, showing him with her fingers exactly where. “Here… and here.”</p>
<p>“Do I?”</p>
<p>“Indeed, you do.”</p>
<p>He felt awkward, being in such proximity to her. It felt like he deeply knew her, but he didn’t. He knew nothing of the woman she had become. He had been on the verge of saying something when he felt her shivering. She hesitantly retreated her hand, a look of surprise on her face, as if she had not realised she had been touching him. Her arms tightened around her body and she looked down, suddenly embarrassed. Perhaps she hadn’t really thought to cast a Warming Charm. Not that they lasted much.</p>
<p>“You will catch a cold.” Severus told her and, in an unexpected gesture of kindness, removed his coat and draped it across her shoulder. She was startled at fist by his move, and in a way he was too, but then she smiled at him and secured the material more firmily around her body.</p>
<p>“Thank you, si – Se – Severus…” she breathed calling him by his first name for the first time. He was stunned and made speechless by her daring move, as he had never given her permission to drop formalities, but he found himself fine with that.</p>
<p>In that exact moment, a long whistling sound followed by more smaller ones reached their ears and they moved their gaze to the sky. There, all around them, colours started exploding – red, green, blue, yellow – in magnificent fountains. The Firework Show had begun and that meant only one thing. The New Year had finally come, and they had been so busy talking that they hadn’t even realised it was time.</p>
<p>“Happy New Year.” He said awkwardly, glancing at her who was still sitting by his side, clad in his black coat.</p>
<p>“Happy New Year to you, Severus.” She murmured smiling softly. “I am so happy you are alive.”</p>
<p>“You must be the only one.” He mumbled distracted, and he thought she hadn’t heard him, but of course she had. And she looked furious.</p>
<p>She grabbed his sleeve and yanked at it, getting his attention. Her eyes were flashing, and the colours of the fireworks played on her irises, making them shine beautifully. She was so fierce.</p>
<p>“I’m not!” she exclaimed, annoyed. “There are many people who value you as a person and are happy to have you alive!” Then, her face dropped becoming sadder. “Please, promise me you will try to be happy.”</p>
<p>“Why?” he countered in a soft voice. “Why does it matter? Why does it matter to you at all?”</p>
<p>“It does.” She just said with pained glassy eyes. “Isn’t it enough?”</p>
<p>“No.” he insisted, moving closer to her. His heart was beating fast, nearly following the crackling sound of the colourful rockets. “Why?”</p>
<p>“Because…” she started, then stopped to breathe a moment. She had moved her gaze away from his face but, when she glanced again at him, she resumed speaking. “Because I like you, that is why. I – I want to see you happy, to see that you are enjoying the life I battled so much to give you a new chance to live.”</p>
<p>He went pale in front of her and found himself lost for words. Breathing had become difficult and he had to swallow two times before he was able to talk again, his strained voice barely a whisper.</p>
<p>“You like me…?”</p>
<p>She didn’t immediately answer, and she kept looking at where their bodies nearly touched, but she didn’t want to meet his obsidian eyes. “Silly of me, isn’t it?”</p>
<p>“Look at me.” He pleaded her; his face contorted in a grimace. “Please.” However, she didn’t raise her face and he was forced to do it for her. Moving his face nearer to hers, he placed a gentle hand on her cheek lifting her face. It was stained with tears and her eyes were red-rimmed. He hadn’t even noticed she had been silently crying. “I cannot fathom why you would like me, among so many nicer people you seem to frequent, but you certainly are not stupid.”</p>
<p>“I think I am indeed very very stupid.”</p>
<p>“Why would you say that?”</p>
<p>“Because you have clearly indicated that you feel nothing towards me, and yet I want to kiss you.”</p>
<p>His eyes were as black and deep as the Ocean sea, tormented by the strongest of storms, but he didn’t move them away from her face when he saw her move closer. The light brush of her soft lips upon his own made his heart clench, his breathing shallow and his mind go numb. It was strange to feel her, to see her in a different light. Hermione Granger wasn’t a girl anymore, but a very beautiful woman that had just spilled her heart to him.</p>
<p>And she was kissing him. And he was kissing her back.</p>
<p>His eyes now closed, his hands lost among the softness of her curves, his breathing fast, his entire wellbeing in heaven.</p>
<p>When their eyes opened, and the fireworks were still playing around them beating as stronger as their hearts, he discovered something new. It was something that would make this new year a very good one, something that would transform his life forever.</p>
<p>He wanted to kiss her too.</p>
<p>Perhaps, just perhaps, she had done the right thing by saving him.</p>
<p>She was like fireworks. His personal ones.</p>
<p>Happy New Year, Severus.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello, readers!</p><p>"She, like the Fireworks" was born as a one-shot. However, exactly the day after publishing, my mind came up with a second chapter and I couldn't help but write it. I hope you like it!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>1<sup>st</sup>  January 1999   </strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Severus was standing in the middle of the pavement, looking at the beautiful house in front of his eyes. It was a three stories detached house made of brownish bricks, big white windows and a grey door, all of it surrounded by a nice garden. It was everything his small childhood house hadn’t been.</p><p>He was nervous like he hadn’t been in years, and he really wanted to leave that place and apparate back to Grimmauld Place. However, he couldn’t. He had told her that he would have come, and he wasn’t a coward, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t scared as hell.</p><p>That morning he had woken up with a heavy stone on his head and an even heavier one on his stomach. Yawning and stretching his tired limbs, he had remembered why he had dawned a bottleful of Whisky after Hermione had left the house. She was a damn siren, and he couldn’t believe he had really accepted her offer. He had immediately declined, both surprised and scared at her temerity and at the terrible thought of what could happen. But then, he had seen how her voice had gone sad and her teeth had started biting at her lower lip. The look she had given him had made him speechless.</p><p>In that moment, Severus had wanted to kiss her again.</p><p>After Hermione had left, kissing him briefly on the lips after meeting his gaze and telling him again to consider her offer, he had drunk himself to sleep. Before succumbing to the spirit however, he had sent her a letter. “I’ll be there.”, it’d only said.</p><p>That’s why he found himself in front of her parent’s house, trying to master his courage and ring the doorbell. He felt like a perfect idiot. He had even left his wizard robes at home, going instead with muggle clothing, in order not to scare her parents off. Steeling his nerves, he rang the doorbell and waited, his hands in the pockets of his black coat. He had been expecting to see Hermione, but it was her dad to open the door.</p><p>“Good Evening!” a middle-aged man with light brown hair and blue eyes exclaimed, stretching his hand towards him. “You must be Professor Snape.”</p><p>“I am.” He said tightly, keeping his voice from taking a stern tone, before grasping the man’s hand. “Thank you for the invitation, Mr Granger.”</p><p>He was ushered inside a cosy room with rosy tinted walls, a fireplace and navy armchairs with a matching sofa, where he met Hermione’s mum. She looked at him strangely at first, before grasping his hand and smiling fondly at him. Severus guessed she knew much more about him than her husband did. Only then, did Hermione show up, and she was beautiful.</p><p>A smile appeared on her face as soon as she saw him, and she nearly ran down the stairs to welcome him. She blushed deeply while kissing his cheek, and he nearly did as well. Not only was she utterly beautiful with that red dress and her hair down, but also Mr and Mrs Granger were watching them and that made him nervous. He didn’t want to raise his Occlumantic defences, as he would therefore appear like a heartless bastard without emotions, but all that situation made him rethink his acceptance to her invitation.</p><p>“Severus!” she breathed softly, smiling at him with such a gentleness he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t deserve such kindness, and he certainly didn’t deserve all the small attentions she had given him the day before, especially not her kisses. He still couldn’t believe she had kissed him, and that he had kissed her back.</p><p>“Err, Hello Hermione.” He only said looking at her with uncertainty. They stood like that for some time, looking at each other without saying a word.</p><p>It was Hermione’s mother who broke the silence. “Come, Professor.” She said with a smile. “Dinner is nearly ready. I really hope you like my Shepherd’s Pie!”</p><p>It was strange to be sitting at the table next to Hermione, eating something her mother had cooked and making small talk with her dad. It took him back to the first time he had had lunch with Lily’s family, a lifetime before. He had enjoyed his time back then, so happy to be part of something, and he hoped not to disappoint Hermione this time. He knew she cared for him, even if he couldn’t fathom how that could even be possible, and in a sort of way he cared for her as well. The girl had saved his life and been at his side when no one wanted to, taking care of him. She had been a friend when, again, no one wanted to.</p><p>To think of her as something more… it was too dangerous.</p><p>“How long have you been teaching, Professor?” Mr Granger asked before sipping some wine from his glass.</p><p>“Seventeen years.” He replied glancing up from his plate.</p><p>“That’s quite a long time, indeed!”</p><p>“Severus was the youngest professor to ever teach at Hogwarts, dad!” Hermione excited explained. “As well as being the youngest Potions Master in the UK! Well, he still is!”</p><p>“You must be quite good at your job, Professor.” He commented, appreciated of his career. “Now I understand why our daughter seems to like you so much! The little bookworm she is!”</p><p>“Dad!” she exclaimed annoyed at her dad’s words, but Severus chuckled, silently agreeing with him.</p><p>“Indeed, you are.” He said smirking and she pouted blushing a little. “However, I am not a Professor anymore… you may call me Severus… if you want, that is.” He said fidgeting, looking nervously first at one and then at the other of his guests.</p><p>His gazes were dark, and he resisted the urge to look into their mind to see what they were thinking of him, but then they smiled at him nodding and everything was okay again. Or that’s what he thought, until they started talking about Albus Dumbledore and his death, and everything in his mind seemed like going to pieces. He didn’t want to remember him, or what he had been forced to do to keep his bloody cover. He was trying to be a good man, to finally make a life for himself after so many years, finally free to be what he so much desired. And then they came, talking about the man he had had to kill. Albus had been the only one who had known about him, about his true self, and his motives for doing what he did. He had been the only one to trust him.</p><p>“I – Sorry, I need to use the toilet.” He suddenly said, bolting from the chair. It was the first time that something like that happened, and the only thing he could think of was that it was due to him not using Occlumancy. He left the room in a hurry, without even glancing at the stunned faces of their hosts and at the uncomfortable silence which had arisen at his actions.</p><p>He was thankful when he finally found the toilet and was able to lean over the sink and breathe deeply. His breath was shallow, and his heart was beating wildly. Looking at the mirror, he noted his pale complexion was even paler than usual thus enhancing the dark circles of his eyes. He splashed his face with cold water and kept breathing in, slowly. He had to tightly close his eyes when his head started spinning and brace himself even harder against the marble tile of the sink in order not to fall on the floor. He had no idea what the heck was happening to him, nor why, but he didn’t like that at all.</p><p>A couple of minutes had passed when he heard a small noise and immediately after a light touch ghost over his naked forearm.</p><p>“I’m here.” She said softly, kneeling next to him and peering at his face, which was only partially obscured by his lank hair. “Breathe, in and out. Come on!” she instructed him, and he followed her, trying to calm down his entire self.</p><p>“I don’t know what happened.” He said softly at Hermione, his voice a strangled whisper, without however looking at her. He felt so stupid, showing such a weakness in front of her. However, he knew she had seen him in worst circumstances.</p><p>“Shhh…” she murmured caressing his cheek and moving his hair from his face. “It must have been a panic attack; you look a mess.” He tried to speak again, but she shushed him, keeping her caressing going for a long time.</p><p>It was only after an interminable amount of time that he was able to raise his head, his racing heart and shallow breathing finally at bay. He looked cautiously at Hermione who was looking back at him with a worried expression on her face.</p><p>“I am sorry, I – “ he started to say, but she interrupted him by hugging him fiercely. He grasped her arms and squeezed her tightly, breathing in her unique scent. She was so small between his arms and, even if he knew he couldn’t break her like that, he loosened his grip just a little.</p><p>“I am sorry, Severus!” she exclaimed, looking up at him with a sad expression. “I should have told them not to bring up certain topics, but I couldn’t imagine they would start talking about him.”</p><p>“It’s fine, Hermione.” he whispered into her hair, pressing her head gently against his chest. Her love, if he could call it that, overwhelmed him but at the same time made him calmer. “It had never bothered me… I had no idea something like that would happen.”</p><p>“Do you feel like going back to the kitchen?” she asked her in a small voice. “I understand if you don’t want to…”</p><p>“I’m fine.” He assured her and, in a moment of weakness, dipped his head down and gently kissed her lips. She kissed him back and, in that moment, he was thankful to have her at his side, so small and yet so strong.</p><p>Severus wasn’t sure about what he felt for her, he hadn’t had enough time to ponder the situation and read his own heart. The only thing he knew was that she fit perfectly against him and that with her his personal monsters were kept at bay. He wasn’t scared, angry or resentful, and it was strange for him to feel that way… so much at ease. He had scoffed at her presence when he had come back from his death experience, but he couldn’t remember a single time he had tried to send her away. His mind, body and heart recognised her. She was the first person he had seen when he had woken up in St. Mungo and the first he had seen every single morning after that day. Hermione had spent days and nights by his side, and in that time he had come to know her, and to like her.</p><p>When they went back to the kitchen, Hermione’s parents apologised to him, but he waved their apologises back and sit down. He stiffened when he felt Hermione’s little hand caress its way into his leg until it settled on the inside of his thigh and rested there. Their eyes met for a fleeting second before he relaxed and pressed his own hand above hers. It was a nice sensation, one so intimate he felt his insides burn, and he only hoped her parents hadn’t noticed her bold movement. They kept talking amiably and he was thankful when nothing about Hogwarts, apart from their daughter’s antics, was asked him. Later on, he found himself grinning deviously when he revealed that Hermione had set fire to his robes in first year, stunned him to unconsciousness in third and stolen from his stores in fourth. Hermione, whose eyes had gone wide and her face had paled a few shades, looked at him with terrified eyes while her parents were dumbstruck. He then chuckled, tightening his hand around hers that was still clutching at his thigh, and looking at Mr and Mrs Granger told them that he was in fact joking. Of course he wasn’t, but he felt the girl relax at his side and her breathing go back to normal.</p><p>All in all, his evening was a nice one. The Grangers were good people and tried their best to make him relax. They gave him plenty of food and drink, chatted him up about his hobbies and job without ever going into much details. Above all, they never questioned his motives or tried to coerce him into revealing anything he didn’t like to talk about. They treated him like he belonged there, and even if he knew he didn’t, he was thankful for that. Severus now knew where Hermione’s kindness had come from and understood much more of her than he had before that day.</p><p>After dinner they retreated in the leaving room where a fire was blazing in its crate, warming both the room and his heart. Mrs Granger surprised her daughter with her favourite biscuits, which he liked a lot too, and she nearly screamed in delight when she saw them. The air was so festive and cheerful he found himself thinking of Albus and of those days when he would find the man’s Christmas gift, every year a different pair of very colourful socks, on the small table near his armchair. His heart was warm, and so were his hands that were hosting a nice cup of unsweetened hot cocoa, while he defeated for the umpteenth time Mr Granger at chess.</p><p>It was late, much later than he would have thought, when he said his farewell to the Grangers, promising them he would come back sometimes in the future. It amazed him the fact that they would want to spend their time with him, the Bat of the Dungeons, but as it seemed, they had enjoyed their time with him. They didn’t fear him, and that was already astounding in itself, but valued his ideas and didn’t see him as a monster but only as a man. He was a man, just a man.</p><p>Hermione escorted him outside into the cold air of the night. Her eyes were big and shiny and oh-so-beautiful, and he longed to see her smile and then tear it from her face by kissing her mouth soundly, before watching it morph again on her lips. He cared for her, and that only thought made him speechless, but that was the reality of his life.</p><p>“Thank you, Hermione.” he quietly said gazing at her freckled cheeks.</p><p>“Whatever for?” she replied smiling and then clasped his hand. “It was nice to have you here. Well… more than nice, really…”</p><p>“I am not used to this sort of events.” He commented looking away from her. “My family didn’t engage in any festivities and after I moved to Hogwarts…”</p><p>“It’s fine, Severus.” She replied trailing her hand from his hand up his arm and shoulder, before reaching his hair and gently drawing her fingers among his dark locks. “I am very happy you accepted my invitation.”</p><p>“I am, too.” He whispered and kissed her, not caring about the possibility to be seen by Hermione’s parents.</p><p>He wanted to live it, whatever this feeling they were experiencing was, not caring at all about the propriety of it, and see where it would lead them. In such a short time, this amazing girl had made him feel again what he thought had died with Lily a long time before. She had brought him back from the dead and made him feel human again.</p><p>Her lips were soft, her mouth hot, and her tongue a sneaking thing that brought pleasure and peace to his senses. She was balm and heat at the same time, the quiet sea and colourful fireworks.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please, remember English is not my first language, so be nice! hahahah<br/>Let me know if you liked it :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>9<sup>th</sup> January 1999</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He had started collecting herbs and simple potions ingredients and brewing them that he wasn’t even six years old. When his horrible father wasn’t at home, probably drunk inside some pub with his friends, he would help his mother make the simplest of potions. She was the one who taught him how to distinguish a toxic mushroom from an edible one, how to cut herbs and flowers without killing their elemental magic, and also how to stir a cauldron. It was their little secret; one his mother had taken with her when she died. When she left him alone.</p><p>He had loved her, he still did, even if she had allowed her husband to slowly kill her, a little every day. Severus had tried all his life not to become like his father, but it pained him to know that he hasn’t been completely successful. He had hurt many people, taken out his frustration and sorrow on them, but deep down he wasn’t a bad man. At least he tried to be better than Tobias Snape, and he was trying even harder now that he had been given a second chance at life. Thanks to Hermione.</p><p>The girl had turned his life upside down, and the terribly odd thing was that he wasn’t averse to that. He was enjoying his days and most of all enjoying his time with her. Only a few days had passed from that faithful night in which Hermione had opened her heart to him and, in some ways, enabled his own to beat freely again. He liked her, he knew that, even if he couldn’t totally understand why or how nor when it had happened. She had shown him what being cared for meant, and that in itself meant quite a lot to him. He still valued his time alone, but he liked to have her around with her bouncing happiness. Although he felt stupid for being such a lovesick puppy, even his room at Grimmauld Place seemed brighter when she was around. And those last few days she had definitely made the place much more beautiful and pleasant.</p><p>Severus stirred his cauldron some more before lowering the fire under it and padding barefoot to his unmade bed. Potter, who had graciously offered him to stay at Grimmauld until he saw fit, had also granted him permission to assemble a makeshift lab next to his bedroom. Severus was the only one leaving there at that moment and, even if he didn’t think he would stay there forever, he definitely needed a laboratory to brew his own potions and start making money again. Not that the Board of Governors wanted him at Hogwarts, but he certainly didn’t want to go back there either.</p><p>He had opened the connection to the adjoining room so he could keep an eye on his brewing, as it still needed to simmer before it would be ready. He lied down, his white shirt untucked with the top two buttons undone, with his hands under the head and his eyes fixed on the ceiling. Life had become so peaceful he was finally able to breathe.</p><p>He had nearly drifted off to sleep when he heard his wards go down. Only an Order Member could access the still secret-kept house, and he really hoped it would be Hermione. He wasn’t disappointed when he heard her voice call him, and it was only a moment after that he saw her enter his room with her wand outreached and a small dark box with the form of a cube floating in front of her.</p><p>“Severus!” she greeted him before cheerfully placing the box on his desk. Then, he saw her freeze and look uncomfortably at his room, especially at his bed.</p><p>It was the first time she had entered his bedroom and he watched with a suppressed grin how her rosy cheeks became a shade darker than usual. He loved seeing her blush for the silliest of things like an unmade bed or the odd swear featuring sex-related words, knowing that at least a little bit he still made her feel uncomfortable, if not much. She was young and he was aware she probably had near to no experience in the matter, despite her love for kisses and sweet cuddles. Not that he was a Master in the art, but he certainly had had more partners than her. They hadn’t talked about sex, and he still didn’t know how to feel about the idea of being intimate with her, but he was sure that it wouldn’t be long before the subject would be brought up. For the time being, he was happy with just kissing, but he would never pass on the chance to get her a little flustered.</p><p>“Hello, Hermione.” He said, patting his hand on the rumpled sheet, beaconing her to him. He didn’t move from his spot and waited for her to get closer and kiss him. She gave him a peck on the cheek, trying not to get too near to him, and he smirked again.</p><p>“What’s that?” Severus asked in a serious tone, hiding his inner amusement, and looking intently into her wary eyes. She was flushed and beautiful with her dark fleckless painting her rosy cheeks, and he wanted nothing more than to kiss those lips. “Come here.” He told her, putting a hand through her mane of hair and drawing her to him. Her lips were soft and warm against it and he loved the way they felt together with his… so perfect. When they moved away from each other, their noses still touching, he looked at her with such fondness he didn’t know he had it in his heart. “That’s a kiss, Hermione.”</p><p>She shuddered under his touch, closing her eyes and breathing deeply, and he smiled briefly at her peaceful expression. Now she was calmer and, even if he had been the one to make her uncomfortable, he was now glad she wasn’t so over the edge anymore. He knew he was too old and absolutely not the right man for her, but he wanted Hermione to know that he in fact cared for her and that he expected she embraced her feelings without any fear. He wasn’t there to judge her anymore, that time had passed, therefore they could learn from each other.</p><p>“I’m sorry…” she murmured smiling shily at him after she had opened her eyes. “I wasn’t expecting that. I had prepared a nice speech and then, well… just, happy birthday, Severus!”</p><p>Severus was surprised, not really because Hermione knew when his birthday was but because he hadn’t seen it coming. He couldn’t remember the last time he had celebrated, if drinking a bottle of Whiskey alone counted, but this year everything felt different, even this. When she had first entered his room, he had immediately noticed the small box she had been carrying, but he could never have imagined that it was something for him. The thought alone meant a lot to him, a lot more than any gift she could give him.</p><p>“You shouldn’t have.” He told her when she levitated the box, together with a paper bag which had appeared from the inside of her winter coat, towards them.</p><p>“It’s not much, just a… something I would like for you to remember.” She hesitantly explained, handing it to him. “I hope you like it.”</p><p>Without even knowing what was inside, he knew already that he would like it. She cared for him enough to learn when he was born, and even more to want to spend that day together with him. For a change, he would not spend that day alone. His father had damned him since the day he was born, never showing him any love nor the intention of ever wanting to accept him. For years, he had damned that day himself.</p><p>He slowly opened the box, careful not to ruin the paper. Inside there was a wooden box, carved with runes at each side, and when he opened it an invisible gush of sounds, smells, flavours and – could it be feelings? – touched him, enveloping his senses. He had to close his eyes at the powerful sensation because it was all so strong he had the goosebumps. His senses were under attack. Her unique scent of old books mixed with vanilla and tea leaves, but also the smell of smoke and ash, mixed together with his own strong scent, assaulted his nostrils. The taste of her sweet lips, together with that of mint and Whiskey, invaded his mouth and his ears were filled with the sound of fireworks exploding in the cloudless air of the night while a very soft music played in the distance. And then there was the feelings of nervousness, and joy, and sadness, and then love. For him.</p><p>“This is from New Year’s Eve.” He commented, speechless, carefully closing the small box and tracing the carved runes with his fingertips. He read the words ‘health’, ‘wealth’ and ‘love’, and then at the front the sentence ‘Thanks for your presence in my life’. Hermione had made it with her own magic, tying it to the ancient runes.</p><p>“It is…” she nervously murmured. He had yet to meet her gaze, and he was aware he probably should do it before she thought he didn’t like her gift, but the thing was that he didn’t know what to say. He had never received such a thoughtful and caring gift and to receive it from her, it made his heart clench. “I didn’t know how the evening would have developed, but I knew I wanted to remember it. I tried this charm that would enable me to keep everything from that evening with me, but then…” she stopped saying, and leaned down to press her lips to his cheek. “It was so much more than I could ever have imagined. You are with me now, so I don’t really need it.”</p><p>“Do you think I would ever forget?” he asked her, finally raising his head and looking at her caramel eyes.</p><p>“No, I don’t think so.” She explained, caressing his wrist where she had discovered an old burn from a cigarette covered his skin. “I only wanted to show you everything I felt that night with you.”  </p><p>“I… Thank you.” He whispered looking at her intently. He read deep emotions in her eyes and he knew without a shadow of a doubt that she really cared for him. “I didn’t know it was already the 9<sup>th</sup>… I don’t usually celebrate my birthday…”</p><p>“It was a surprise, then.”</p><p>He loved the way every line of her face fit perfectly making a beautiful visage. Her pink lips were slightly parted and her eyes where shining; he couldn’t move his gaze from hers, completely enraptured. Severus moved nearer to her, nuzzling her cheek and nose. She trembled when his mouth found hers and a stronger shudder hit her body when his arms enveloped her small body.</p><p>“The biggest surprise, however, was certainly you.” He whispered on her lips, tightening his hold on her.</p><p>“And for me, you.”</p><p>They lied down on his bed and everything felt so beautiful he couldn’t believe it. She tucked her curly head under his chin and he kept her between his arms, breathing in the scent of her which restored his energies. Hermione’s small hand was caressing his clothed chest and he joined it with his own, brushing the veins covering her skin. He found himself thinking back to when she had arrived in his room and at the frightened look she had given him. He didn’t know if her nervousness originated from her inexperience or from the fact that she was scared to be with him. He wanted to know what she had on her mind.</p><p>“Hermione…” he called her softly, and she looked up waiting for him to continue. “Why were you scared when you entered my room?” The question startled her and she averted her eyes chewing on her lower lip. He touched it, removing it from her grip and, sensing her nervousness, he cupped her cheek so that her gaze was again on his. She released the breath she had been holding and steeled her nerves before answering his question.</p><p>“It’s silly, really…” she started, closely watching his reaction. “I was helping my mum bake those chocolate chips cookies you like so much when she recommended to be careful and all of that, you know…” she revealed, blushing a little. “And then, I found myself in here and your hair was dishevelled, and your clothes rumpled, and then I saw your bed and…”</p><p>Obviously, her mother was worried. He would be as well if his daughter was dating a grumpy old man who had taught her since it was a child. However, he respected her and would never do anything to scare her.</p><p>“I didn’t do it on purpose.”</p><p>“Oh, but I know that!” she told him, “It’s just that you are a man and I – I have not much experience with these things, being the bookworm I am. And I mean, I haven’t had much time to think about sex. I needed to help destroy a monster!” At that he chuckled, but his expression soon returned serious.</p><p>“I thought you and Weasley…”</p><p>“We did.” She whispered, blushing furiously. “The day of the Final Battle. He was grieving Fred’s death and I was there and, we just did it. He needed comforting.”</p><p>“And you didn’t?”</p><p>“Yes, I did. However, it was nothing like I had imagined, or read. It wasn’t supposed to feel like that.”</p><p>“And how was it supposed to feel?” Severus inquired lifting his dark eyebrow.</p><p>“Good, I guess.”</p><p>“Yes.” He agreed, stroking her arms. “That is how it’s supposed to feel like.”</p><p>“Is it going to feel good with you, Severus?” she asked, looking up at him. Her eyes were pleading, and he could feel the tremors in her voice when she asked her question. She was scared, and he knew then that with the Weasley boy something had definitely gone wrong.</p><p>“Yes.” He breathed tying his eyes to hers so that she could feel the truth of his words.</p><p>He was glad she trusted him with both her body and feelings and vowed to make her happy. Whatever had happened with Weasley had had an impact on her life, but when the time came he would show her exactly how much he valued her.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, my mind just can't seem to be able to stop writing this story. A new chapter aye!</p><p>This chapter expecially, it's a gift to our beloved Professor! Happy Birthday, Severus!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>16<sup>th</sup> – 20<sup>th</sup> January 1999</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Hermione had started spending a lot of time together with him at Grimmauld place. She often helped him brew while sometimes they would just sit on the sofa reading comfortably next to each other. It was strangely peaceful for someone so used to being alone like himself, to enjoy someone else’s presence. He had discovered that she wasn’t as chatty as he had thought, and she didn’t pester him with questions above questions all day. She was quiet and she enjoyed silence as much as he did. Hermione was also a good cook, something she had learnt from her mother, and loved making delicious meals for the both of them. </p><p>Their friendship, if it could be called that, was developing well and blooming every day and he was actually happy about the way it was going. Severus couldn’t believe it. He had loathed her for so long and tried his best to make her life miserable when she had been his pupil. Well, he had never had anything against her, apart from the fact that she had been a pain in his ass, with her hand always raised in the air during his lessons, and had done virtually nothing to keep Potter out of trouble. Of course, being a Muggleborn he had had to treat her badly in front of the Slytherin children to keep his cover, but he was aware he had been a monster to her all those years.</p><p>It took his breath away to think that she had overcome her hatred for him and saved his life, and made him wonder how it was even possible that she had developed feelings for him… and him for her. How had he gone from loathing her to wanting to kiss her rosy lips until a moan escaped her?</p><p>Apart from her parents, no one knew she was spending her time with him. She had told Potter that she sometime helped him brew his potions but not much more, and he was glad for that. It was better for them to keep it low, at least for now. Her parents, which he didn’t know how much they knew about the situation, even if he suspected Hermione talked a lot to her mum about them, were oddly comfortable with their daughter spending her time with an old grumpy former professor of hers. She had even spent one night with him a few days before, and he was still alive. Mr Granger hadn’t come looking for him with a gun pointed at his chest… or balls.</p><p>She had stayed longer that day because he had been experimenting with a difficult potion he intended to improve and had given him a hand. When they had called in a break, they had had something quick to eat and then had relaxed in the library, reading. Hermione had fallen asleep on the sofa with the still open book she had been reading tightly clutched to her chest. Her face was peaceful and oh-so beautiful with her light freckles and small smile. He didn’t know how long he had been watching her sleep, something he would have considerate quite creepy if it had been another moment, but only the chime of the clock had brought him back to his senses.</p><p>Severus had watched her for a few more seconds, pondering his alternatives, before slowly shaking his head. He had gone over to her and carefully picked her up, before taking her up the stairs and into his room. She was a little thing between his arms and, when he had put her to bed, his lips had very briefly ghosted over her rosy lips before going to press a gentle kiss on her temple. It astounded him to think that she trusted him so much as to fall asleep near him. Hermione didn’t fear him anymore and that knowledge made him smile and at the same time scared the hell out of him. He didn’t want to hurt her but didn’t want to be burnt either. Because yes, he was in serious risk of getting badly burnt.</p><p>He had sat next to her on the edge of the bed, just watching over her sleeping form and staring at nothing in particular. Then, it had dawned on him that he should probably tell her parents that she would be spending the night with him. Steeling his nerves, he had taken quill and parchment from his desk and set writing them a letter. He had actually addressed it to Hermione’s mother, even though it was intended for the both of them, but it seemed as though Mrs Granger would be more understandable of the situation. At least, he hoped so.</p><p>
  <em>Dear Mrs Granger,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I am writing in order to let you know that your daughter has fallen asleep on the sofa while reading a book. She has helped me greatly today while studying a potion, and it is therefore my fault if she has exhausted herself. I have thereby determined that it would be in her best interest to rest until tomorrow morning when I will be sending her right back to you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I count on your understanding on this matter, but I have nevertheless instructed my owl to wait for your reply. I will therefore wake Hermione and send her home if that is your decision.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Severus Snape</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He still remembered what he had written her, and the nice reply he had got from Mrs Granger letting him know that she had appreciated his thoughtful act and that Hermione could indeed spend the night there. He had then released the breath he didn’t know he had been holding and had gone to sit on his wingback chair at the far corner of the room.</p><p>A tender touch on his hand had woken him up some time later. When Severus had opened his tired eyes, he had met Hermione’s sleepy ones. She had asked him to go lie next to her on the bed and his breath had caught on his throat at her request. With his eyes he had searched the truth behind hers and, when he had found it, he had been happy. Scared, but happy. Their hands had tentatively joined together and he had let her lead him to the bed. He couldn’t remember a time he had been so calm and content. Her tiny body fit perfectly against his and, even if her unruly hair tickled his skin, he would never have released her from his hold. His sleep had been dreamless, while the morning after just a little bit awkward when Hermione had realised he was sporting a very nice erection.</p><p>The second time she spent the night at Grimmauld Place, it was actually him who asked her to stay, and she readily accepted. He had started brewing the Wolfsbane Potion many years before, in order to help Lupin live throughout his transformation without completely losing his mind, and that day he had a batch to finish before it could be sold. As she usually did when he brewed, she stayed over to help him and, at the same time, learn something new. She couldn’t wait to be back to Hogwarts for her seventh year, but the reconstruction of the Castle still needed a lot of work. Not only had the damage inflicted upon it been heavy but also, the amount of Dark Magic to dispel was very high. Hogwarts still needed at least a few months of work before being able to open again.</p><p>Hermione and Severus were both tired, sweaty and hungry when they were finally able to bottle the potion. They had something quick to eat and, while Hermione put the dishes away, he took advantage of that time to grab a shower. When he emerged, clad in his nightclothes and with his hair still damp, he looked at her for a moment. She was curled on his armchair reading a book, and she hadn’t spotted him yet. She was immersed in her wide world made of words and thoughts; her nose buried in the pages while her curls tickled her rosy cheeks. The thought of wrapping her in his arms appeared on his mind and, before he could stop himself, he found himself speaking.</p><p>“Would you like to stay the night?”</p><p>“Oh?” she asked, startled by his question, raising her head from the book. “Of course, I would!” she answered smiling shily at him. “I’ll write my mum to tell her I’m staying here.”</p><p>He just nodded, inwardly very happy she had accepted his invitation, before going to the side of his bed. Hermione joined him, carefully keeping her side, and she squealed in surprised when he snatched her, playfully tickling her arms.</p><p>“Severus!” she cried out laughing, trying to free herself. “Severus! Please, stop it! Stop it!”</p><p>He granted her wish but didn’t release her completely. Instead, he enclosed her between his arms and buried his nose in her curls. He breathed deeply in her sweet scent and smiled fondly at the sensations that engulfed his heart. The girl relaxed immediately, settling more comfortably against him, and he heard her sigh.</p><p>He knew she liked being near him, hugging him and be hugged back, and he was really trying to be a nicer person. Severus had never liked being touched as he had always linked that to the physical pain his father inflicted on him. Not that many people dared to come near him, but when they did it was usually because they wanted to hurt him. Those women he had been intimate with, they had never been more than good shags and most of the times he had not even bothered getting naked. His flash was sallow and raw, scarred by countless blemishes. His body had suffered the whiplashes of his father’s leather belt, the depravity of dark magic and the self-inflicted pain. He had wrapped himself inside a blanket of heavy black robes all his life, and only now he was freeing himself, a little every day. Hermione helped a lot with that because, even if she was most of the time shy and insecure, physicality was a part of herself. She would hug and kiss him without any fear, and he would bestow her all the care he was capable of.</p><p>They stayed in silence for some time, both lost in their thoughts and the comfortable feeling of the other. From the steady rhythm of her breathing, he knew she wasn’t sleeping, and wasn’t for this reason surprised when she spoke.</p><p>“Are you sleeping?” she asked quietly caressing his chest. When she saw that he was still awake, she continued. “Can I ask you something?”</p><p>“Go ahead.” He told her, but she didn’t answer immediately. He had by now understood that, when she needed to ask something important to her, she would usually take those couple of seconds more in order to steady her raging heart.</p><p>“Do you still love Harry's mum?”</p><p>When her question was out of her mouth, everything in him stilled. He hadn’t expected that, but he totally understood where that question came from. Hermione knew that he had first become a spy for Dumbledore because of her, because with her becoming a target he had realised that his heart wasn’t in that cause. It was true that he had heated his Muggle father with all his might, but not because he believed in the supremacy of the blood. He had wanted him dead because Tobias Snape had hated him from the very beginning and done everything in his power to hurt him. He had never been shown any love from his father, on the contrary bearing his wrath and beatings for years. If his entire life had gone to hell, and if he had become the horrible man he was, it was because of him. It was all his fault.</p><p>Lily had been his rainbow, his only ray of sunshine, and he had killed her. The day Severus had realised he had condemned her to certain death, he had been horrified. From that day he had pledge his very life to protect her, and then her son.</p><p>“She will always be part of me, but I have long since stopped having feelings for her.” He replied after taking her chin between his fingers and raising her face to his. He wanted her to see that he was say the truth. She needed to know for certain that there was no other woman in his life, apart from her. “And besides, she has never been mine.”</p><p>“So, you have had... Other women, have you?” Her eyes shone and, even if he couldn’t see everything in the darkness of the room, he still could see the brightness they had.</p><p>“I have never been in a relationship, if that's what you are asking. I have however, been with some women over the years.”</p><p>“How many?” she asked curiously, sitting up in bed.</p><p>Severus had never been very good with the other sex, or with people in general, but, while he knew he could be both courteous and polite, he had most of the time been an ass. Hermione knew that very well, and that was why he was trying his best to be a better man. He wasn’t a spy and a pawn in the chessboard anymore. He didn’t have to be what he wasn’t and could finally shed his many masks. He could finally be a normal man and perhaps also be happy.</p><p>“I don't know, Hermione, but not many.” He said thoughtfully. “Before the Dark Lord’s return life was quiet, so it may have happened more than in the last few years. However, I was still grieving Lily’s death and I was bitter and angry, so I was as approachable as a wounded animal. Anyway, they were usually Death Eaters themselves.” He knew he had her full attention, but when he mentioned Voldemort’s followers, her eyes widened and a thin curtain of deep emotions ghosted over them.</p><p>“You... You... Have you also been with Bellatrix?”</p><p>His infamous eyebrow lifted, surprised more time at her question. “Why do you ask?”</p><p>“It's just a question.” She said casually, trying to cover her reaction, but he knew her better. There was definitely something off.</p><p>“No, it isn't. I know you.”</p><p>“Have you?” she asked again, this time more urgently, as if his answer had a special importance to her. “Just answer me.”</p><p>“Will you tell me why you are so interested in her?” he countered, now curious as of why she had mentioned her among so many Death Eaters. When she nodded, he answered her question in the affirmative, and he saw her stiffen and her eyes widen even more.</p><p>“Gods.” She breathed, turning away from him. “Oh Gods.” She was slightly shaking, and he put a gentle hand on her arm. He was trying to comfort her, even if he had no idea why she was reacting so strongly. He knew however that she would soon tell her, he only needed to be patient and help her relax and trust him enough to speak about it.</p><p>“It happened before her time in Azkaban.” He explained, rubbing soothingly throughout the fabric of her nightshirt. “She used to be a lot less crazy and twisted back then.”</p><p>“Why did you go with her?”</p><p>“I was trying to raise into the Death Eaters’ ranks, and she was already pretty high at the time.”</p><p>“So, you didn't really like her, did you?” Her eyes were pleading, and under that layer he could see she was scared.</p><p>“She used to be beautiful, and so were her sisters Narcissa and Andromeda, but beside that... She didn't hold any appeal for me.” He whispered softly before pressing his lips to her cheek. The girl brought up the best of him, and he was thankful for that. “So, why are you so interested in Bellatrix?”</p><p>Her lips quivered and her breath hitched, and when she finally answered, her voice was so small he wasn’t sure he had heard her correctly. “She tortured me.”</p><p>“What?” he nearly gasped, searching immediately her eyes.</p><p>“Yes. It happened last year when we were brought to Malfoy Manor. She tortured me because she wanted to know how we had stolen the Sword of Gryffindor from Gringot’s.”</p><p>“But you had not.”</p><p>“No, we had not.”</p><p>“I am sorry.” He just said, slowly lifting his hand to her face. He cupped her cheek and her eyelids fluttered closed at the contact. He saw her breathe deeply throughout the nose and then open her eyes again.</p><p>“I just... Am glad she is dead.” Her trembling voice murmured. “I still dream of her at night you know, Crucioing me, breaking me and...”</p><p>With that, Hermione suddenly stopped speaking. She averted her eyes and moved away from his touch. He looked at her, both worried and scared by her behaviour. Bellatrix Lastrange had always been a devoted crazy bitch, something his Lord had always loved about her, and for this reason he feared to know what she had done to Hermione, Potter and Weasley when they were there.</p><p>“And?” Severus probed her, trying to find a way around her reticence. “Hermione?” he called her again when he noticed her mind had drift off somewhere into space. “Talk to me.” Came his whispered words while his fingers almost shily went to lightly brush against hers. “You can trust me.”</p><p>That seemed to do the trick. Her eyes moved to where his fingertips gently caressed hers, and he saw her observing them with avid interest. When she finally raised her head and looked at him, she looked hurt and sad and something inside him moved. Without looking at him, she fumbled with her clothes and with trembling hands she lifted the left side of her sweatshirt, baring her forearm to him. The word ‘Mudblood’ was carved into her flesh and a wave of sudden anger nearly overtook him at the sight. He slammed his Occlumency shields and breathed deeply until the best part of his fury was under control.</p><p>“That word means nothing, Hermione.” He declared throughout gritted teeth. “You are a brilliant witch; one I am sure will do great things in her life. Do not let this ever stop you.” He said gently grasping her wrist. “Did I make myself clear?”</p><p>She briefly looked at where his fingers circled her wrist, just a few inches below her mark, before lifting her face. Fat tears swelled at the corners of her beautiful eyes and, for just a fleeting moment, he was brought back to when he had made fun of her and made her cry. This time however, it wasn’t his fault. That bloody word was a curse, something he hated with all his heart, and to know she will have it impressed into her skin for the rest of her life made him angry.</p><p>Hermione was exactly like him, branded for eternity.</p><p>The Death Eater and the Mudblood. Poles apart and yet so similar.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>  </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello!<br/>Just here to say thank you to everyone &lt;3 and to warn you that the story will probably become rated M in just a few chapters! :*</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>6<sup>th</sup> February 1999</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It had become increasingly difficult to look at Hermione and not see how beautiful she was. Every time she draped herself over him on the couch, or when lying in bed he spooned her from behind enjoying the feeling of having her between his arms. Even when she raised on tiptoes to kiss him and he placed his large hands on her hips to steady her, his traitorous body would perfectly feel her, and respond in kind.</p><p>She was beautiful but she didn’t seem to know it. However, she wasn’t anymore the buck-teethed bushy-haired know-it-all he had made fun of all those years she had been his pupil. No, Hermione Granger was now a gorgeous and delicate young woman. She had a slender waist and shapely curves, small breasts he knew would fit perfectly in his hands, and that mane of unruly hair made, together with her deceiving shy smile, made her look wild in an erotic sort of way. He had never seen her like that before, never thought of her as a woman. However, now that they had grown close together, everything had changed.</p><p>He was developing strong feelings for her but, as odd as it may come for a man like himself, he wasn’t afraid. Life had been a bitch for Severus Snape from the beginning but now with her, everything seemed to be righting itself. He felt relaxed, comfortable and at peace and, in a way, even positive about what they were creating together. They still had issues to solve, and things from the past to overcome, but they were getting along pretty well. Every day was a new discovery.</p><p>That day he learnt that he wasn’t the only one who possessed a treacherous body and mind.</p><p>It was a Saturday and Hermione had arrived at Grimmauld Place in the late morning while he was organising the enclosed back garden. He was setting it for the coming spring, when we will be planting seeds for some of the easiest to grow potions plants. He had obviously heard her enter the house, but he had chosen not to go welcome her, instead letting her ‘surprise’ him. And that’s what she did. Hermione came to him nearly two hours later, grabbed him by his dark jumper and kissed him fully on the lips.</p><p>Her bold movement had made him speechless and his blood had gathered all in his cheeks, making his face flush crimson. She had watched him with shiny eyes and a bright smile had formed on her lips while she giggled happily, her arms around his neck. She was beautiful with her freckled cheeks, rosy from the cold air of February, and her sweet loving smile. All for him, all of that love was for him.</p><p>“I’ve made lunch!” she had said taking his hand and bringing them inside and into the kitchen.</p><p>“Are we having guests for lunch, Hermione?” he had asked, his brow furrowed, looking at the table laden with so much food the entire Weasley clan could feast on it.</p><p>Her face fell, and he realised his voice had probably sounded harsh. “Do you think it is too much?”</p><p>“Perhaps.” He answered, slowly turning to her and cupping her cheek. “Good thing I’m starving… and, since we have dinner ready as well, we’ll have more free time to spend together.” At that, her face grew warmer and he smiled at her shyness. He placed a kiss on her forehead and sit down to eat from the wonderful banquet she had prepared for them.</p><p>After lunch they often spent their time in the library, reading and silently enjoying each other’s quiet company. Severus was reading for the umpteenth time a book about magical herbs and plant while Hermione was stretched on the sofa, engrossed in a small volume she had told him was a Muggle novel part of a series about vampires she had started reading years before. He was turning a page when he felt the girl quietly moan a few feet away from him. His gaze moved immediately to her form and he observed as her attention was totally drawn by the written words. What made him pause was that the girl’s face was red, and a hot flush was spreading throughout her skin, also colouring her collarbone and neck. Her lips were slightly parted and her pink tongue every now and then darted out to moisten her dry lips. She had her knees up and so firmly closed together it seemed like she was holding something tightly between her legs, something that she feared could escape if she didn’t tighten her hold on it.</p><p>Severus nearly chuckled at her display, but he found it oddly erotic. He didn’t know what she was reading but he had no doubts it was something that was making her flustered on a high level, and she was even more beautiful when she was hot and bothered like that.</p><p>They had yet to be intimate in that way but, while his body deeply craved hers, he was able to keep his mind under control. Her hands had often wandered over his clothed body while her lips kissed his breath away, but he knew there was something that kept her making the final step. For this reason, he was taking things slow. He didn’t want to make her feel forced to do something she wasn’t ready for just to please him. He wanted her willing, and happy and ready to share such a moment with him. The girl had told him about her first time, her only time, with Ronald Weasley and something terribly wrong had happened that night if she was so afraid. Yet, he knew the two of them still were on good terms, so it had to be something bad but not so much that he will have to kill the boy.</p><p>He watched her some more, impressed at her ability to stay so focused on her reading despite her gasps and little moans, and her current state of mind. Then, he slowly stood and silently made his way over to her. It was only a moment before he snatched the novel from her trembling fingers that she looked up, her face contorted in horror at realising what was going to happen.</p><p>“Severus!” she shrieked, her eyes wide open, bolting from the sofa and trying to take back her book. “Please! Please, Severus! Give it back to me!” she asked pleadingly, clutching at his arms.</p><p>He was still taller than her and it was quite easy for him to keep it away from her hands. However, she was doing her best to reach it and he was forced to use magic to put a wall which separated them. He wanted to know what the book said, and what had made her so on edge. He skimmed quickly the page until a few words hit him. <em>There!</em></p><p>
  <em>“Do you feel it, Calliope?” Morey breathed in her ear, caressing its shell with the tip of his tongue. “Yes?” He asked again, sensing her nod. “All of it?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her chest was heaving under his ministrations while he kept slowly moving inside of her. Each trust went so deep, Calliope could feel the entire length of him entering and exiting her. Every single vein in his shaft was pulsing and rubbed against her walls in a way that made her eyes go back and her toes curl. His strong chest was draped over her back, and his hot breath kept whispering against her skin. He was so hot, so deep, so excruciatingly beautiful…</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Severus interrupted his reading, as he didn’t need to know much more. His eyes immediately went to Hermione, who was sitting on the sofa with her trembling hands clasped together between her thighs. Her worried lower lip was trapped under the pressure of her teeth her face was pale, even if her cheeks had tinged of a nice shade of pink. He regarded her panicked and at her same time resigned face and closed the book. What he had done, it wasn’t because he wanted to make fun of her, but because he wanted to understand and help her. He cared for her in a way he wasn’t yet able to describe in words.</p><p>He gave her a small smile, even if she wasn’t looking at him, and then stretched his hand towards her in a silent invitation. The gesture surprised her and only then did she raise her eyes and looked at him questioningly. His fingers moved in encouragement and, when she finally grasped his hand and stood, he was happy. They quietly made their way up the stairs, hand in hand, and when they finally reached his bedroom, the door was closed. His arms carefully encircled her tiny frame and she trembled against his chest. Small breaths whispered against his white shirt and he tightened his hold on her while his big nose nuzzled her curls.</p><p>“You are safe with me, Hermione.” He breathed with a soft voice that surprised even him. “Don’t you see it?”</p><p>“I do.” Her muffled voice said. “It’s not that… it’s not you.”</p><p>“What is it then?”</p><p>“I… I don’t know.” She answered, shaking her head. “I feel like I’m somehow blocked.”</p><p>Only when he felt her relax, he spoke. “Do you want me to help you let it go?”</p><p>“Yes, please.” Hermione said in a small voice, and he kissed the top of her head as a sign he had heard her.</p><p>When he loosened his grip on her, he took a step back and looked her in the eyes. They were shiny and he could clearly see the fear building in them. He asked her again to take his hand and he brought her to the foot of the bed, where she sat down. Kneeling in front of her, he smiled reassuringly, and gently put his hands on her knees.</p><p>“You are my Gryffindor Princess… and you are beautiful.” He told her, perhaps for the first time expressing in words what he thought of her. His words made her heart race but at the same time a small smile grew on her lips. “You have nothing to fear. Do you understand?”</p><p>At her nod, he slowly moved his hands along her thighs until he reached the waistband of her jeans. Their eyes meet again, and, at her small nod, he lowered the zip and helped her off her trousers. His eyes kept mostly trained on hers as he wanted to gauge her reaction to his movements. He was sure she had thought he would take off her knickers as well, but he didn’t. In time, she would shed them before him without fear. For now, just her trousers were fine.</p><p>She watched intently as he removed his shoes and socks and climbed on the bed.</p><p>“Come, Hermione.” He called her, reaching for her hand from afar. A few seconds passed before she was able to move and, when she finally did, Severus breathed a sigh of relief. He helped the witch lie down on the bed between his legs, with her back against his chest and her head on his shoulder. The paleness of her legs was in sharp contrast with his, which were still clothed in dark trousers.</p><p>Hermione wasn’t shaking anymore but her body was tense and still, and he could detect the nervousness deep in her nerves. He crossed his arms around her torso and brought his right hand to touch her left shoulder and the left one to the other. He gently caressed her arms, slowly kneading her muscles, until they reached the hem of her blue jumper. In a swift motion, his palms covered the expanse of skin just above her belly button, and he nearly groaned together with her. His hands were scalding hot compared with her warmness, and the sensation of their skin touching stabbed the both of them. It was like having a bucket of ice-cold water thrown on their head. Hermione’s breathing stopped for a moment before she exhaled slowly, and Severus had to briefly closed his eyes.</p><p>“Try to get comfortable and relax.” He said after getting his mind and body again under control. “You have nothing to worry about.” His voice was calm but resolute, and he was sure she could feel it. “If you prefer to watch then, by all means… However, I feel it would be better if you closed your eyes and just feel.”</p><p>Severus let Hermione get accustomed to the feeling of his hands on her and, without ever intensifying the pressure on her skin, he started moving them up and down slowly. Her stomach swelled and deflated witch each breath and he watched intently as her ribs came into view. Her flesh was stark white, and he noted she had a small birthmark on the left side of her belly, and he traced it carefully with his fingertips before travelling down. His nose brushed her cheek when his hand reached the waistband of her light pink cotton knickers.</p><p>“Breathe and feel.” He whispered into her ear before placing a tender kiss on her jowl. “Just breathe and feel.”</p><p>“Don’t you want to know what –“ she started in a small voice but he interrupted her with another kiss.</p><p>“Make no mistake, I want to know everything about what happened to make you feel this way. However, this is more important now. We will talk later.”</p><p>She silently nodded and tried to relax between the arms of that man who had been a surprise. She still couldn’t believe he hadn’t refused her that faithful New Year’s Eve night, or any other day which had followed. It felt right to be with him, even when he was his usual snarky self, the one she had known when he had been her Professor at Hogwarts. It felt right to spend her days with him, to kiss him and lie in his bed enveloped in his arms. Everything felt perfectly right, even his hand brushing against her most intimate parts. A shiver ran down her entire body when his fingertips crossed through her brown curls and Severus tightened his hold on her.</p><p>“You know, I am very fond of curls.” He whispered with a deep voice, so different from the gentle caress of his earlier words, and she blushed knowing he wasn’t talking about the mane of hair on her head.</p><p>He lightly grazed though them until he reached her moisten lips and parted them. The novel she had been reading had done wonders to her femininity and he wished he could just be with her, without the fear of scaring or hurting her. He was just a man, one with a body he had refused pleasure so many times in his life, and she a very beautiful young woman. However, he respected her and didn’t want to hurt her anymore. That he had already done in his years as her professor.</p><p>Severus’ fingers moved over her femininity in slow circles, pinching her core and making her moan. She was a wonton little thing and, after some moment of nervousness, she was able to relax and free herself of that pressure which had been burning inside of her for who knows how long. He kept whispering hidden meanings sentences into her ear while his fingers worked her, and his tongue and lips brushed and kissed her. He watched her whimper, moan and arch her back under his ministrations, until he felt her stiffen and reaching her peak. There, he commanded her to look at him and, when his words passed through the fog in her mind and their eyes finally met, he captured her mouth and swallowed her ecstatic cries.</p><p>Her body, flushed and sweaty, went limp in his arms and he held her tightly caressing her hair and face in a tender way. He could feel the unique smell of her and he breathed deeply alongside her, who was still trying to bring her breathing to normal. They stayed in silence for some time but, when Hermione raised her head to look at him, his eyes found immediately hers. He was sure he had never seen anything as beautiful as that, and the sight of her half naked and soaked made his heart clench, his mind spin and his treacherous body sing. He wanted her so much.</p><p>“Thank you…” she whispered softly caressing his cheek and placing a kiss on his jaw, near his chin.</p><p>“You are welcome.”</p><p>“I – I had never felt anything like that…” she admitted averting her eyes.</p><p>“Never?” he asked, and there he began to understand perhaps what had happened with Weasley.</p><p>“Never.” She repeated, blushing even more. He looked down at her and caressed her cheek, trying to make her relax again. They had things to talk about, but she needed some time to gather herself.</p><p>“There’s a first time for everything.”</p><p>They stayed like that for a long time, just lying quietly in the arms of the other. It was peaceful, like anything he had ever experienced, and it made him hope it would never end. It was beautiful, and it spoke of that freedom his life had never known before.</p><p>He was a free man now; he had been released from every prison he had been thrown into. He could finally live the life he desired and that was his first time. A real life, not alone. With her, his bright fireworks.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry guys for the wait, but I wasn't feeling well and had to leave technology for some time!<br/>Here's chapter 5, I hope you like it! Do you think I should move the rating from T to M? I can't understand if it's to explicit for a T rating or if it's okay!</p><p>Thank you for reading and commenting! Love you all! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>10<sup>th</sup> February 1999</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t the first time Severus found himself in front of that door, but it felt exactly like that time. He was shacking internally, nearly crying at the loss of his Occlumancy Shields, and praying Merlin that everything could go well. However, his senses were on edge, as if something wrong was expecting him at the other side of the door. Hermione was no wrong though, she was right. She was the rightest and most beautiful thing his life had ever possessed. He knew he didn’t deserve it, but he wanted her and couldn’t stop his heart from beating.</p><p>The Grangers had again insisted he go over for dinner at their place, and he had accepted. Not that he didn’t feel glad they wanted to spend some time with him, whom everyone had always avoided when possible, but things had changed since the first time he had met them.</p><p>It had been the 1<sup>st</sup> January, over a month before, and Hermione had kissed and said she felt for him just a couple of hours before. Back then they had been nothing more than acquaintances who had kissed under the stars and the fireworks, without really thinking about what could have happened later. But now they were something, even if neither of them had any idea what to call what they were – what they had. And Severus had no doubts that Hermione’s parents were aware of that as well. Or at least, her mother was. She had told him, just a few days previously, that she had talked to her about them because she needed someone to talk to, to confide in, about what was happening. Everything was new for her, for him too, and she needed to clear her mind on a different number of things. She knew she could talk to him without any fear, but in a way he was glad she had someone she could express her doubts to and ask her questions apart from himself.</p><p>Severus had no one to confront his opinions and feelings on the matter apart his own mind and heart, but he had done wrong so many times in his life that he wasn’t sure he could trust them with this. Because Hermione was important, and he didn’t want to hurt her too. He had done already enough damage with Lily.</p><p>She was young, he was not, but they had to work together for their future. Future… he had never really thought about that word as during the war there hadn’t been any prospect for a life after Voldemort for him. But then, Hermione Granger had arrived and saved his life. He didn’t have the courage to ask her why she had done it, why she had risked everything in order to give a second chance to him. As her teacher, he had never treated her well, far from it in fact, and yet there she had been… treating his wounds, healing him.</p><p>Everything was still a blur in his mind and, even if he couldn’t understand how he had come to want to kiss and hold her, that was it. He felt like a perfect idiot. A happy idiot.</p><p>That’s why he had accepted their invitation, because he was actually interested in getting to know them. Even if it was awkward, even if they knew he wasn’t just a friend but spent his time touching their daughter, kissing her, wishing to be with her. He wasn’t just her former Professor or her friend, he was her lover; and he was old, too old for her.</p><p>The truth was that Severus Snape, most hated Hogwarts Professor and former Death Eater, was scared.</p><p>To open the door this time wasn’t MrGranger but Hermione herself.</p><p>She was beaming with happiness, her smile so natural and bright it enlightened all her features. She was beautiful. Stepping up to him with the intent of kissing his cheek, he preceded her and, cupping her face with one hand, slowly pressed his lips to her forehead. He was fond of that simple gesture and the intimacy it created. His fast-beating heart slowed his movement to a calmer rhythm and his breathing returned to normal. He felt content and happy. When he drew back, his hand still on her cheek, Hermione had her eyes closed and her lips slightly parted. Her cheeks were a touch pinker and the little freckles dotting her skin had taken on a darker shade. With her hair pinned at the top of her head with a red feather quill, she looked not only beautiful but also elegant, delicate… exquisite.</p><p>Severus watched as her eyes slowly opened and her clouded gaze came into focus once again. Their mouths were just a breath away, that same sweet breath he could clearly feel on his lips, and he found himself wanting to kiss her badly. She leaned down, trying to reach his lips, but before she was able to kiss him, he spoke again.</p><p>“May I come in?” he whispered in a husky tone. He wanted to kiss her, but her parents were inside and he needed a clear head to be able to see the end of it. She was startled at first, but recovered quickly, and stepped sideway to let him inside.</p><p>Dinner was a nice affair, exactly as it had been the first time. The Grangers seemed at ease around him and, after a while, he was able to relax a little bit himself. They engaged him in interesting conversations, smiled at him and treated him well, like he belonged there. He didn’t, not yet at least, but that thought made him smile internally. That was something he had dreamt of for probably all his life. He knew he wasn’t a nice man, nor someone people enjoyed spending their time with, but these people really seemed to like him… even if he couldn’t fathom why.</p><p>The meal he had been served was amazing, and so were the zero-sugar chocolate cake Hermione’s mother had baked to eat together with the tea after dinner. He didn’t have a sweet tooth, so the fact that they didn’t usually use much sugar was fine for him.</p><p>Severus took advantage of the time in the loo to breathe again freely and clear his mind. He couldn’t say he wasn’t enjoying himself, but he wasn’t used to these sorts of gatherings and his head was boiling. Cupping his hands under the water, he then raised them and splashed his face with some good cold water. The evening was still long, and he would need all his strengths not to mess things up.</p><p>When he closed the bathroom door behind himself and stepped into the corridor, an open door he hadn’t noticed the other time he had been there caught his attention. He slowly moved towards it and immediately realised it was Hermione’s bedroom, if the yellowish wooden letter H glued to its door was an indication. It was nice with its light blue walls and furniture. He stepped inside, looking over the books neatly organised on the shelves and at the photographs hanging on the wall near her bed. There were photos alone, with her parents or with Potter and Weasley and in every single one of them she was smiling her beautiful bright smile. He gently plucked one from the large frame and held it over his nose. It was a very old photo, and she had her unruly hair all over face, probably moved by the wind.</p><p>“I was 12.” Her voice said suddenly, and he nearly jumped on the spot. He hadn’t noticed her sneaking up on him. “It was the summer before my second year, in France. I had the time of my life, and only God knows how much I needed it after nearly being killed by a troll.”</p><p>He slowly turned to look at her, who was casually leaning against the doorframe, watching him with a hand on her elbow.</p><p>“No one believed you when you said you had purposely gone to the first-floor toilets in order to take down the troll.” He said smirking, recalling the pitiful excuse she had given them to save her friends’ asses. That very same day they became inseparable.</p><p>“Of course not.” She agreed, smiling softly at him, before walking towards him and taking the place at his side.</p><p>His gaze went again to the photograph and his smirk faded in a thin line. The reality of their situation crushed again on his shoulder and he sighed deeply. Time stretched around them, and when he talked again, his voice was barely a whisper.</p><p>“You are so young.” He said more to himself than her. Hermione didn’t answer immediately but, when she did, her voice came delicate and kind.</p><p>“Does it bother you?” It was the same voice she had used that time she had approached him on the rooftop of Grimmauld Place, minus the nervous edge, professing her affection for him. She was now asking if their age difference mattered to him, if it bothered him, and the answer to that question he didn’t know. That was the truth. The only thing he knew was that he had never looked at her as something more than his student and yet, he now cared for her.</p><p>“I don’t know.” He answered truthfully before asking her the same. In that moment, his eyes bored into hers. “Does it bother you?”</p><p>When she answered, he didn’t need to use Legilimency on her to know she was telling the truth. Her beautiful eyes spoke it all. “No, it doesn’t.”</p><p>“Perhaps it should.”</p><p>“I don’t really care. I’m old enough to make my own decisions.”</p><p>“I know.” He quietly answered averting his eyes. Only when he felt her small hand rest on his forearm, the one that still bore the Dark Mark, did he meet her eyes. The emotions he saw in them nearly chocked him. She was naked before him, all her feelings clearly written in her eyes.</p><p>“I like you… I really like you.” She murmured, caressing his arm. “Even if I don’t understand it, I know I like you.”</p><p>He couldn’t help but give her a fond smile. Hermione Granger was giving him what everyone had always thought him unworthy of: love. And he perhaps was, but she was willing to risk it all. His fingers tentatively touched hers, linking their hands. He was always careful about the way he touched her, mindful of what had happened and of her responses to him. His skin tingled at the contact and he had to breathe deeply at the sensation.</p><p>“Are you free this Saturday?” Severus asked a moment later, caressing her hand with his thumb.</p><p>“Yes, why?” she countered, surprised at his question. He had no doubts she was aware of what date it was going to be, but she said nothing and he left it like that… hanging unsaid in the air. It was easier.</p><p>“I would like to go somewhere with you.”</p><p>“I guess there’s no point in asking you where.” She said, already knowing he wouldn’t disclose anything about it.</p><p>“I’m not saying.” Was his only answer, punctuated by a smirk.</p><p>“No matter, I would love to go anywhere with you.”</p><p>Her answer warmed his heart, and he was happy she had accepted his invitation. It would be the first time for the two of them together outside of the walls of her house or Grimmauld Place, after what happened on New Year’s Eve. The first time as a couple, because that’s what they were, and he was glad the word didn’t scare the hell out of him as he had imagined.</p><p>Severus’ hand found his way over her cheek and hair. Trailing his fingers through her tied curls, he freed them from their confinement. They sprang free, cascading softly on her shoulder, while the feather quill softly hit the floor. She was beautiful and she was his, and he kissed her.</p><p>When his lips found hers, he trembled. They were soft and kind to his, opening up to him in a way he had never experienced. Always so tentative was her tongue against his but he was happy, holding her between his arms with his fingers buried in her curls. Her warm body tightly pressed against his, all shivers and delicate curved.</p><p>“Coff – coff!” came the unnatural sound from the door, and they both flinched quickly recoiling. Mrs Granger was curiously watching them, her eyes hard but a nearly invisible smile tugging at the corner of her lips. She was trying to fight against its forming, but he had seen it. It was just a bluff.</p><p>“Mum?” called Hermione, visibly embarrassed, with a nice shade of pink colouring her cheeks.</p><p>“Can you help your dad with his computer?” she explained with a pained expression. “He has touched something, and the screen has gone black.” Then, she rolled her eyes and turned around, exiting the room. Hermione looked at him for a brief moment smiling, then followed her mother.</p><p>Severus quietly sat down on the sofa in the living room, watching from afar Hermione and her father trying to understand what had happened to the computer. He was of no help, as he had never used one, so he sat there watching and thinking. It was then, that Mrs Granger joined him, taking her place on the armchair in front of him. He stiffened immediately, but she smiled and asked if he wanted some more tea. He nodded, thanking her, and then waited for her to speak. He was certain she wouldn’t pass the opportunity, and when she finally spoke, he sighed internally.</p><p>“She smiles a lot these days.” The woman said, taking a sip from her cup. Her brown eyes, so similar to Hermione’s, were fixed on her family but she soon moved them to gaze at him. “Thanks to you.” He nodded, not trusting his voice, and so she continued this time more quietly. “She was broken when she gave our memories back and she has been for a while later as well, but now… you are taking care of her.”</p><p>“I do my best.” He only said and moved again his eyes to Hermione’s form. Even in that moment, concentrated over what she was doing, she had a small smile on her pretty face.</p><p>“At first it was difficult, after what she did, to see her like we used to…” she explained, her eyes pained. “We understood of course why she did it, but accepting it was painful nonetheless. It was only when she started talking with us again, that we recognised her.” Her voice was shaking, and he knew she was trying to stay strong even if she felt the pain deep in her heart. “I have no doubts that she left many things omitted, but she told about what happened during the war and the part she played in it. She told us about all the people who lost their life, about her friends and those who had become family when we were not present for her.”</p><p>“She was brave.” He murmured, for the first time interrupting her monologue. She only nodded, acknowledging his statement.</p><p>“She also talked about her Potions Professor, and that’s how we discovered she spent most of her time in the hospital with you.” His tea had gone cold, as so had hers, but they didn’t really care. “After some time, we saw a smile appear on her face…”</p><p>“She has a beautiful smile.” Severus mumbled, only registering he had spoken out loud when Mrs Granger softly chuckled. He quickly hid his face behind the curtain of his black hair when he felt a blush colour his otherwise pale cheeks.</p><p>“Indeed, she has.” The woman agreed, smiling herself. “I have to admit we were worried when we understood she had developed feelings for a man twice her age, but she has been confiding in me since then and I know you mean no harm to her.”</p><p>“Indeed.”</p><p>“I’m glad she has you, Severus.” She then said, and in a way he was happy to hear her say something like that. They accepted him, even if he was too old and too broken for Hermione. Mrs Granger’s eyes were honest, she was saying the truth, and in that moment he knew the right thing to do was to be honest himself, to show her he really cared for her daughter.</p><p>“I would like to – to take her out… for dinner, on Saturday.” He stammered, then breathed deeply through his nose trying to be less nervous. “Hermione has already accepted but, the thing is…  I am asking if it would be fine for you if she were to – to spend the night at my place.”</p><p>He knew he sounded not only like a right idiot but also, the way he had phrased his words… it seemed as if he had every intention of bedding her and was asking permission to her mother. Not that he didn’t want to, but the final choice was Hermione’s, and if she didn’t yet feel comfortable enough to be intimate with him, he would accept it. She needed her time to recover.</p><p>“She has my permission.” Mrs Granger answered with a soft smile, glancing at him. “However, Alan needs to agree as well. I’ll try to convince him should he be against it.”</p><p>Severus knew the woman was trying to help them, and he was grateful for that. He wanted to spend the evening with Hermione and to make her happy. It wasn’t really a dinner what he had in mind, but he hoped she would like it. The insecure part of himself feared their evening would be a disaster, but he tried with all himself not to think about it.</p><p>It would be for him another first time. A date, on Valentine’s Day.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello! Here's new chapter!</p><p>I had to wait a little before updating because next chapter will be set on Valentine's Day, or better the day before! So I want to update it on the 14th!:)</p><p>Please, let me know what you think about the story, it's very important to me &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>13th February 1999</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Everything was exactly like he remembered from his childhood. A cacophony of sounds and too loud music was beating on their ears while the strong smell of food all mixed together – sausages and hamburgers, chips, onion, spices and sweets, – assaulted their nostrils. The strength of the kaleidoscope of colours spinning around their eyes got to their heads, inebriating their senses, but they couldn’t care less for the mess they had all around them. They were happy.</p><p>He used to love those countryside festivals when he was young. Without a penny, he had stolen fruits and sweets more than once from the colourful lorries parked along the streets. They always seemed to notice him, and so he was forced to run at full speed among the stands and the people in order not to be caught. He was always able to get away with it and enjoy his lolly while sitting on one of the lorries’ wheels or on a small brickwork. Those memories were happy ones, even if he had never had the courage to ask Lily to go with him. Severus could never have imagined little and well-behaved Lily Evans stealing fruit and running with her delicate hand in his so as not to get caught. That’s why he had never asked her. Her parents would have given her some money to spend for food and two or three rides on the roller coaster or the bumper cars, but his wouldn’t have.</p><p>Now however, he wasn’t a child anymore. He was a grown-up man with a satisfying job and money in his wallet waiting to be spent. Also, he wasn’t alone. Hermione was with him, grasping tightly his hand, and he was happy.</p><p>“I wasn’t expecting this!” she had yelled, trying to overcome the music. Her smile had been dazzling and, despite himself, he had smiled too. The nervousness he had felt until then immediately vanished.</p><p>She had been in the garden, clad in a heavy coat and scarf, waiting for him when he had arrived. Moving a strand of hair from her face, he had pressed his lips against hers in a brief but sweet kiss before casting a powerful heating charm on the both of them and apparating away. She had squealed in delight when she had understood where he had brought her, and he was happy he had decided not to take her to a fancy restaurant for dinner.</p><p>With her Severus felt younger, so full of energy he could climb a mountain and still have enough breath to kiss her senseless. She was giving him her strength and her zest for life, something he had never had. His blood was flowing in his veins and he felt so happy he sometimes had to hide his smile from her. Hermione was changing him, making him a new man; a happy one.</p><p>Looking at her over his bottle of beer, Severus watched as she sank her teeth of her sandwich. A splash of ketchup escaped it and she had to trace it with her tongue to lave it from her lips. Mesmerised, he followed her movement with darker eyes before meeting again hers. He couldn’t see her blush because of the night that had fallen all around them, but he knew her cheeks had taken a red glow.</p><p>“What are you looking at?” she asked, with a shy smile on her lips, before trapping the lower one between her teeth.</p><p>“You.” He murmured with a husky voice, his Adam apple bobbing. She was a natural beauty, and he couldn’t take his eyes off her. “Always you.”</p><p>“When you asked me to go out with you today, I thought we would go to some nice restaurant in central London…” she admitted, before taking a sip from her can. “But, of course, you had to surprise me with this.”</p><p>“We are still in time for that dinner, if you prefer it." He asked, once more afraid of his decision. His past self would surely have chosen that as a date, but now he felt different. With her he was able to feel again and do those things he liked he had always had to hide.</p><p>Together they had played like teenagers and he had enjoyed himself immensely. He was even able to win a giant stuffed bear for her at a sort of shooting gallery, and it was now safely in his pocket waiting to be brought back to its original size. The house of mirrors, a temporary exhibition arrived for the festival, had brought with it many kisses under the colours, lights and shadows enclosed between the mirrors. Under the stars he had caressed her skin and kissed his way from her cheek to the tip of her nose before ending on her slightly parted lips. She had tasted of caramel pop corn and candy floss, of such a sweetness that had nothing and everything to do with what she had eaten. His heart had swelled, and he had lost himself in that kiss. Severus would never get tired of her.</p><p>“No, I like this more carefree side of you.” Hermione answered laying her fingers over his without ever leaving his eyes. “I have ever only known you as a stern man and intransigent professor, and this is a change I like.”</p><p>“I am that man, Hermione.” He assured her, trailing his fingers between hers intertwining their hands. “However, I am also this.” He breathed deeply through his nose and averted his eyes briefly. “I sometimes forget who I truly am, and I know for sure I have hidden this part of myself for long.”</p><p>“That’s because you have worn too many masks, but you can take them off now.” She gently said with a small honest smile on her lips. “You can be yourself. You are safe with me.” And he knew he was because she had given him what others had always refused him. Hermione trusted and cared for him, and that was more important than everything else.</p><p>“I know.” Came his reply, and he shrugged again looking at her. “It’s just not that easy.”</p><p>“I know.” His witch answered softly, rising from her sit on the bench and going to stand before him. “But I will help you if you want.”</p><p>With that, her small hands went to his shoulders, briefly kneading his flesh, before trailing upward until they reached his neck. Hermione’s skin was cold, and he shivered at the contact before closing his eyes at the strong sensation. Her warm breath tickled his face and he swallowed in anticipation. The ghost of a smile brushed his parted lips and he sighed when her mouth touched his. It was a delicious caress and, when her tongue asked for permission, Severus allowed her in.</p><p>They both had goosebumps and burning but caring eyes when they emerged from the kiss.</p><p>“I want it.” He breathed in a low voice, enclosing her in his embrace and letting her sit on his lap with her back to his chest. She was everything he had longed for for so many years and he was glad he had in the end found her. Hermione was his saviour, and he couldn’t believe his luck. His feelings for her were stronger every day and, even though he feared the four-letter word, he knew he was so near the brink.</p><p>They stayed in silence for some time, enjoying the feeling of their bodies tightly pressed together and watching what was happening around them. People were enjoying themselves, eating and drinking and laughing all together. The music was loud, and so were the noises and shrieks. However, in the midst of that chaos there was also peace and happiness. After a while, Severus felt Hermione move in his lap and he had to suppress a groan at the unexpected friction. His body, always the treacherous sort, responded all too well to her.</p><p>She turned her face so that their breaths were just a few inches apart, and their eyes met. “Thank you.”</p><p>“What for?” he asked, slightly frowning searching her eyes.</p><p>“For this… for taking me here.” She whispered, softly kissing his lips and caressing his temple with slow movements of her fingertips. “I had never been with anyone long enough to celebrate Valentine’s Day.”</p><p>He knew he was an asshole, but he couldn’t help it. His gaze became dark and his face expressionless, as it had been for so many years since the beginning of his job as a spy.</p><p>“This is not a Valentine’s date.” He said in a stern voice, the same he had used so many times with her and her dunderheaded friends. Hermione’s eyes flashed in danger for a moment, and she said nothing, then the mirth came back, and she smiled openly.</p><p>“Oh shush!” she cried out, playfully smacking him on the arm. “Of course, it is!”</p><p>Obviously, it was. Even if it wasn’t technically Valentine’s Day yet, the purpose of their date was to celebrate. He wanted to make her happy and to be that himself. Another of his first times, even though he was a grown-up man and should have lived many of these things already. His lips twitched and his eyes grew warm again looking at her as he answered.</p><p>“Neither have I, and I still can’t understand why you are here with someone like me.”</p><p>She could have anyone, really anyone. Hermione had not only grown up into a beautiful woman, but she was also the brightest witch of her age, brave and fun. Yet, she had chosen him, even if he was old and broken in too many pieces. She couldn’t possibly hope to repair him, and yet she liked him and enjoyed spending her time with him.</p><p>“You never asked me how it happened.” Severus only nodded at that, knowing she was right. He had never asked and, if he had to be honest with himself, he wasn’t sure he was ready to know. “Don’t you want to know how you stole my heart?”</p><p>At her words, he genuinely laughed before kissing her forehead. “Did I?”</p><p>“I was scared at first…” she admitted, averting her eyes so that he couldn’t see she was trying to fight back tears. “… and in a way even horrified.”</p><p>“Well, I’m sure you were.” He agreed with her and couldn’t blame the younger witch for that. He was old and grumpy and had never treated her very well, not even after she had saved his life. Bitterness and diffidence had always clouded his judgment.</p><p>“Not because of what you may think though.”</p><p>“Why then?” he asked at once curious, raising his infamous eyebrow at her.</p><p>“I had a strong crush on Ron in 6<sup>th</sup> year, you know…” she started, and he nodded signalling her to keep talking. “and when Professor Slughorn let us smell Amortentia during one of his lessons, I clearly breathed the scent of fresh cut grass, his hair and spearmint toothpaste which Molly used to buy for them.” Her cheeks had coloured, and he could feel from the stiffness in her shoulders that she was nervous. “However, I also smelled new parchment, old books and something only months after I realised was your unique smell. Potions fumes, ash and sandalwood from your aftershave…”</p><p>Severus was speechless and he had to breathe hard through his nose to compose himself. Something in her had recognised him already when she was only a seventeen-year-old girl, when he still was her Professor and she hated him, just before he killed Dumbledore. Her tiny hand went to caress his cheek and his eyes moved to gaze into her caramel ones which were shining.</p><p>“I didn’t know it was you back then.” She whispered softly, closing her eyes for a moment but opening them again soon. “But then one night, I was talking with Harry when keeping watch before the fire in the camp site we had made in the forest and he was talking about you and everything came crashing down on me and I nearly stopped breathing.” Her head came to rest on his shoulder and his arms came around her body, hugging her protectively. “Just a couple of days before I had thought back to what I had smelled in the Amortentia and, when Harry mentioned your name, I knew it was you. I couldn’t understand why the heck I could smell my Professor’s perfume, but I knew deep down that it was you.”</p><p>“I am sorry.”</p><p>“Don’t be.” She whispered nuzzling into his coat. “I’m glad to be here with you.” She assured him, placing a gentle kiss on his neck, before carrying on with her tale. “I tried my best not to think about it, and the fact that I had Ron near me helped a lot… but then, when we arrived at Hogwarts and I saw you… it was all too much. I still thought I loved Ron, and that’s also why I decided to go with him after the battle, but I couldn’t let you die. Something in me was screaming to help you, to fight death with you, and I did it.”</p><p>“I didn’t want to live, Hermione.” He murmured in a soft voice, baring his soul to her. “However, I am glad you didn’t leave me there.”</p><p>“I couldn’t, I just couldn’t.”</p><p>In the hospital, the first time he had woken up, he had seen her. She had been sleeping on a chair next to his bed with her back and head bent at an uncomfortable angle. Tears had swelled at the corners of her eyes when she had seen he had opened his eyes. He clearly remembered that moment, even if his mind had been a bit foggy back then. He hadn’t woken her up but had stayed quiet and watched her sleep because he owed her at least that. Hermione had healed him with trembling hands while he was bleeding to death on the dirty floor of the Shrieking Shack. No one had asked her to do that, but she had helped him like he himself had done so many times during the years, even if she hadn’t known that.</p><p>After that, Severus had been his usual bastard self to her, but apart from the very first time he had seen her, he had never tried to send her away. She had come to see him nearly every day, brought him tasty food he would have liked to try but refused because he didn’t want to make her happy, and books and journals to read. She would quietly read to him when he was too tired or weak to do it by himself and kept him company. Never had he thanked her.</p><p>In those two months, she had developed for him those feelings she had known were there deep inside her heart and somehow, he had started to care for her too, even though he had never thought about it or acknowledged the fact.</p><p>“You deserve better than me.” He told her cupping her cheeks, but then kissed her with everything he had. He was feeling so much in that moment, he was sure he could burst into flames like a phoenix.</p><p>He poured into that kiss all the fondness, care and also – yes!, – love he felt for her and tried his best to let her know it without actually having to speak words he had never truly uttered. He was scared and yet the emotions were so strong he couldn’t deny them anymore. Hermione had cried for him, and fought for him and with him, and the least he could do was to kiss her breath away and give her his own.</p><p>When they emerged for air their faces were red, but their eyes shone in the moonlight locked together in a silent embrace. All around them, fireworks were colouring the sky exactly like the night of their very first kiss. However, they didn’t notice them. There was something much more important in that moment. Themselves, and the warmness clouding their eyes and hearts.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi there!<br/>I know you were expecting something else, but my mind imagined them at a fair not in a fancy restaurant! Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Do you forgive me for the late chapter?? Sorryyy!! </p>
<p>We have a twist here, he he! Poor Severus, always trying to do the right thing!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>14<sup>th</sup> February 1999</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Severus couldn’t remember a more beautiful and peaceful awakening. It wasn’t the first time Hermione had spent the night with him, but yet this time it felt different. Their Valentine’s Day date had been amazing, and he could say with certainty that he had really enjoyed himself. Her smile was contagious, and he had found himself more than once smiling at her happy and flushed face. They had walked among the stands, her little hand tucked protectively in the crook of his arm, and played like teenagers. Their kisses under the stars, as well as those under the colourful fireworks, had been sweet and so full of emotions he knew he had never felt for anyone.</p>
<p>In order to thank him for the evening, Hermione had brought him a rose. A red rose. He remembered looking at her with wide eyes when he had understood her intentions. She had waltzed over to the man who was selling them, and then she had gone back to him with a beautiful rose in hand and a shy smile on her lips. Her face had been guarded and her eyes bright but at the same time insecure. So unsure of herself, and yet so strong. His hand had been trembling when he had taken the rose from her fingers and he knew he had stopped breathing.</p>
<p>She had given him a rose. Words, as well as his usually smart mind, had defied him in that moment. He had had no idea about what he was supposed say or feel, because he was feeling too much and wanted to say nothing and everything. She had gifted him with a rose, something so pure and meaningful. Her face had been careful, and she had patiently and silently waited for him to say or do something. His eyes had locked on hers for so long and in the end, he had just kissed her breath away. Why? Because he had stopped breathing for so long he had needed her fresh air to live again.</p>
<p>Their evening had been perfect.</p>
<p>Back at Grimmauld Place, Severus had put the rose under a stasis charm and then they had prepared for bed. She had not hesitated, but immediately snuggled at his side. After some time, her little hand had carefully sneaked under his T-shirt, and the slow movements of her caress had made him shiver and lulled him to sleep. The last thing he remembered was the gentle kiss of her lips on his chin.</p>
<p>He had feelings for her, and they were so strong they were sometimes overwhelming. Yet, he didn’t want them to go away. Hermione Granger had brought happiness in his life, and love and care. She had gifted him with everything he had missed and longed for for a long time. Lily’s friendship of sorts was nothing compared to what Hermione was giving him. If only she had been his friend, instead of the redhead, his life perhaps wouldn’t have been such a disaster.</p>
<p>A gentle wisp of breath on his skin brought him back to his thoughts. The girl was watching him with sleepy eyes, her hair an unruly tangle of locks on the pillow and his chest, and slightly parted lips. She was beautiful and that somewhat naïve look made his body wake in places he needed to keep at bay. He leaned down, tangling his fingers through her curls while his lips brushed hers. Her breath was hot, and she sighed in his mouth eliciting a moan of his own.</p>
<p>He loved those moments, when they would wake up and lay in bed getting to know each other, when their hands and breaths would whisper across their bodies in a gentle exploration. Their eyes still sleepy, their minds foggy, but their hands eager and yet still tentative and shy. Those were moments of languid kisses and heated skin on skin contact, of deep trust and learning. In fact, they both used those mornings and nights in bed in order to get to know each other better, so that she could open up to him and he could stop being a damn clam. The intimacy of their learning through the sense of touch was essential and made their bond every day stronger.</p>
<p>Even if he still had to feel all of her, he had made her moan and cry more than once. The beautiful thing, something that made his heart ache every single time, was that she always smiled at him with her lust-filled gaze, that very same that was also timid, somewhat innocent, and peaceful. Her warm, caring and satisfied smile made him feel loved. Severus Snape had never felt loved. She was her first in so many aspects of his life he often felt like he was the younger one, instead of her. That was the worst part in their relationship, and it pained him to think that somehow, he was ruining her life. She deserved much more than himself.</p>
<p>“One of these days you will be successful in what the Dark Lord was not.” He whispered in her ear nuzzling her cheek affectionately. The look she gave him was puzzled, and he suppressed a chuckle before schooling his features. “Killing me,” he stated, his tone annoyed, pretending to move her hair away from his face. “With your mane of impossible hair! They are everywhere, worse than the Devil’s Snare!”</p>
<p>Hermione regarded him for a few seconds without saying a word. Then she swatted his hand away and got even more comfortable with her head on his chest. “Pfff you love them! I know it!”</p>
<p>“If you say so…” he mumbled in a serious tone, but his heart wasn’t in it. His arms went immediately around her tiny body and he moved her closer to him.</p>
<p>Their bodies fit perfectly against each other, the softness of her curves a much-needed balm to his sharp angles. He heard her sigh in contentment, her breath hot on his neck, and he smiled in the silence on their room. Yes, because that which was once his room was now theirs. They spent nearly all their time in there, if one didn’t count the occasional trips to the kitchen and the library. No one came at Grimmauld Place, not even Harry Potter who owned the place, but apart from Mr and Mrs Grangers, no one knew about their relationship. Or so they thought.</p>
<p>A strange sound coming from the outside reached their ears, but they didn’t notice it so wrapped they were in a heated kiss that had started just a few moments before. Only when it grew louder and louder, did they separate. They both were alert, their hearts pounding, still not used to the peace of those days. The years spent in war had been many and neither of them will forget them. Wand in hand and body ready to strike, Severus leapt to his feet. Hermione was immediately behind him, the dizziness from sleep now gone. They were both unmoving and silent, listening to the sound that was becoming louder and nearer to them.</p>
<p>Severus listened intently, every muscle in his body tense, and he thought there was something familiar about what they were hearing. However, it seemed too strong to be that. With a swift movement of his dark wand and a silent spell, the window opened.</p>
<p>They gasped in unison as cards, letters, pieces of papers and feathers came rushing towards them. A quick shield charm had them protected and they watched as most of the ‘gifts’ they had received fell to the floor. The only things that stayed in the air where a couple of bright red howlers that were furiously trembling and stuttering, on the verge of exploding.</p>
<p>A very strong sense of unease settled on Severus’ stomach as he regarded the scene before his eyes.</p>
<p>“What the – “ begun Hermione, but her words were interrupted by loud shrieks, as the howlers burst open one after the other. They both listened as hated words and heavy insults flew all around them. Some of them were for him, the former Death Eater and bastard Potions Professor, but mostly they were directed towards Hermione.</p>
<p>She didn’t say anything, just listening quietly to what the howlers, sent mostly by complete strangers, had to say before setting them into flames just a moment before they did it themselves. She proceeded reading some of the letters that had arrived, and only at last did she open the Daily Prophet. The front page had a gigantic photograph of them together while kissing during the firework display the day before, and the other five or six pages held a very detailed article on their relationship, followed by suppositions and more not-so-veiled insults. Severus couldn’t breathe, nor speak, and his heart was beating so loud he was sure Hermione could hear it.</p>
<p>He had done it again, destroyed the life of the one person he cared and loved the most. First Lily, then Hermione. Her usually bright eyes were hollowed and her face a white sheet and she was shaking, but he didn’t know whether from sadness of anger… or both. Severus himself wasn’t sure about what he was feeling in that moment. He was certainly angry but perhaps more than that, he was broken. His life could never be easy, and he would never be happy. Everything worked against him, against his long-awaited and suffered peace.</p>
<p>He breathed deeply through his nose and moved to stand before the now closed window. Outside it had beginning to rain and the wind was sailing the dark grey clouds over the sky, but he didn’t really care for the weather. Not about the one outside of the house at least. Through the window glass, he silently watched Hermione’s cheeks being crossed by tears while the letters kept whispering insults towards her. Sighing, he briefly closed his eyes before opening them again. He should have seen it coming, he should have, and he should have done something in order to prevent it.</p>
<p>“I am sorry…” he whispered; his voice was so pained he hardly recognised it.</p>
<p>She didn’t immediately answer but when she did, he knew she had her emotions under turmoil. “I hate her.”</p>
<p>Hermione was talking about Rita Skeeter, the author of the article written in the Prophet. As per usual, her account was not only incorrect and romanticised, but also so full of veiled insults that underlined a certain hatred, probably born from history. The woman had in fact written a lot about Hermione when Harry Potter in his fourth year had been appointed as a Triwizard Tournament Champion, and it hadn’t been nice things he remembered. Back then, the journalist had painted her as everything she was not, exactly like she had done with her new article.</p>
<p>“It’s my fault.” He just said, regarding the girl through the glass attempting to dry her tears. “I shouldn’t have – “</p>
<p>“You shouldn’t have what, Severus?” she asked, disbelief clear in her voice. “How could you possibly imagine that she would be there, in a Muggle town at a bloody Muggle fair?”</p>
<p>“I should have thought about the chance we could be seen.”</p>
<p>“And then, what?” She was getting angry, her voice raising in volume, but he turned around to face her only after she had spoken again; her voice was once again soft and pained. “I don’t want to hide this forever. I want everyone to know that I –“</p>
<p>“Don’t say it, Hermione.” He reprimanded her in clipped tone, finally giving her his full attention. “Please, don’t say it.”</p>
<p>He didn’t want to hear those words, not in that moment at least. Love had always escaped him, and that’s what was happening again in that exact moment, and he didn’t want to hear her say those words. It would make it all too real and so much more painful.</p>
<p>“Why not? I thought you felt the same.”</p>
<p>“I do. But I have just ruined your life, your chance at a great future… the one you deserve.”</p>
<p>“What are you talking about?”</p>
<p>“Don’t you understand?” his expression was pained, and his eyes spoke much more than his words. His occlumency shields were down and he could feel everything hurt inside. He had messed up things again. “People will believe Skeeter’s words, Hermione.” He carefully explained her, his eyes trained on hers. She had to understand, to see what was happening. “They will believe you made your way into my bed when you were still my student, and that you got your perfect marks because of how good you are in bed. And those that are not yet sure about my innocence will definitely think that you were not loyal to Dumbledore and Potter. Don’t you see how dangerous this is?”</p>
<p>Severus had never seen her as more than a little know-it-all pain in his ass, but he knew fairly well how fast and far lies went. He had no doubt about her friends, but the general audience and those that didn’t know her well would believe the woman’s words. When Hogwarts reopened, the students would whisper behind her back and single her out because of the relationship with him. Yes, he had been cleared, but so many still didn’t believe in his innocence. Even her future career could be forever ruined because of her relationship with someone like him.</p>
<p>“Everyone knows I have always been a swot! I certainly didn’t need to get into your bed to have the grades I had!”</p>
<p>“I know it, but I am not everyone.” He sighed, rubbing his eyes with one hand. “You, more than anyone, should know how powerful words are, Hermione.”</p>
<p>Severus saw the exact moment when his words sank in. She knew. She knew what he was trying to tell her, and yet couldn’t bring himself to say out loud. It hurt, it hurt so much he felt it in his chest. It had happened the same the exact moment he had understood that Lily wasn’t going to forgive him. His heart had shattered then, and it had taken him ages to finally put the little pieces together. A single powerful blow and the cracks had opened again. Thousands of pieces, and it was his fault. Their gazes locked together for a long time, both unable to say a word in the face of what they knew was in the air.</p>
<p>“You want to end it, don’t you?” she finally whispered, her voice so soft he nearly didn’t hear her speaking. She tried to appear strong, but at the last words her voice cracked, and he had to avert his eyes in order not to run towards her and hold her body tightly to him. He didn’t want to leave her, but it was the right thing to do. He had lived his entire life alone, hated by the light as much as the dark. Hermione was more important, and he would do everything to keep her safe.</p>
<p>“What should I do?”</p>
<p>“If you don’t want to, then don’t.” she started, but he moved his hand in a slow gesture.</p>
<p>“Hermione…”</p>
<p>At hearing her name, she broke down and run to him. When she grabbed the front of his T-shit with both hands, she tried her best to fight the tears that were threatening to escape her eyes. However, they were too strong, and he soon found himself with a broken and sobbing witch in his arms, begging him with pleading eyes.</p>
<p>“Don’t do it. Please. Please, don’t do it.”</p>
<p>“I don’t want it.” He assured her putting his hands on hers and prying her fists open.</p>
<p>“Then don’t. I need you, Severus. I want you, I – “</p>
<p>“Shhh…” came his voice in a murmur and a single long digit landed on her troubled lips, stilling her words. He couldn’t bear to hear her say it. He loved her, and he was doing it for her own good. She deserved the best, and that could only be achieved without him. “Don’t say that.”</p>
<p>“I – “</p>
<p>“Don’t say that. It would be too difficult if you did.”</p>
<p>“Stay with me.” Her pleading and broken tone hurt him, but he knew he was doing the right thing. Love wasn’t something for him, and what was happening now was further evidence of it. Even in this new life, one Hermione Granger had decided he deserved, love escaped him.</p>
<p>“I don’t want you to hate me.” He calmly explained, taking a step back from her and averting his eyes. “I couldn’t bear it, Hermione. I know I couldn’t.”</p>
<p>“I could never hate you!” she protested, her tearful eyes big and sorrowful trained on his retreating form.</p>
<p>“You certainly could. I am sorry, so sorry.” And it was true. He really was.</p>
<p>“Don’t leave me, please.”</p>
<p>She tried again to get near him, but he didn’t allow her to move closer. It was difficult, and he hadn’t anticipated it would hurt so much, but here he was… broken. His eyes found hers one more time, and in those last few moments he impressed in his mind every single line of her body. He would keep that with him… the memory of her. He would never forget her and the love she had showed him, the trust she had placed on him and the sacrifice she had done in order to give him a second life. He would forever be grateful to her. He would forever love her. Broken.<br/><br/></p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> <strong>22<sup>nd</sup> February 1999</strong> </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p>Severus couldn’t stop thinking about her, he just couldn’t. Everything in that bloody house reminded him of her. After more than one week, her sweet smell still lingered in the air, making his nostrils flare at every breath. He missed her. However, he couldn’t bring himself to change the bedsheets, so much they were impregnated with her odour, and every night he fell asleep to dreams of her.</p><p>He had tried at first not to think too much about the fact that he was alone again, that he had given up on the only person who had ever felt anything remotely near a positive feeling towards him. Hermione had been able to help him let go of the fear that had crawled under his skin for years, and all for nothing. He had left her because he thought it was the right thing to do, and yet… he missed her.</p><p>Alone in his bed at night, trying to warm his cold limbs under those covers that screamed her name, he would bury his nose in the pillow and watch in the moonlight the beautiful rose Hermione had gifted him for Valentine’s Day. It was still there, on a small side table near his bed. He didn’t dare touch it, but his eyes never left it when his soul shattered in silent tears. He had let go of her, and that’s all he had: his memories of their time together, of her smile and her laughter, her sweet scent and a beautiful red rose.</p><p>He tried his best those first few days, but then he succumbed to the sorrow. Not that he was surprised, far from it. He knew something so beautiful couldn’t last, but he had decided to give it a try and finally be happy. However, he had been selfish and now they were paying the price for it. The fact was that he felt for Hermione what he had never felt for anyone, not even Lily. She had given him the peace and love he had needed and craved for so long he couldn’t remember, and the deep ache he was now feeling was testimony of that. Severus Snape, the cold-hearted bastard Potions Professor and former Death Eater, was in love. And he had ruined everything, as usual.</p><p>Orders kept coming from different apothecaries scattered around the UK, and he was nowhere near finished with the previous potions he had been commissioned. His mind was somewhere else, and he couldn’t focus enough to brew the most complicated potions on the lists. This was what made him take a break and go out. He needed fresh air, a good walk and something to keep his mind focused and off the thought of Hermione. Not even as a double agent, had he had so many problems concentrating on his work. It was true, however, that at the time his occlumency shields had been constantly up and so strong no one could penetrate them. Those had helped him greatly, even if they left him detached and unfeeling. Only when Severus lowered them a tiny bit, at night in the privacy of his chambers when he knew he wasn’t going to be summoned, he felt all the tension, the ache and the sorrow overwhelm him.</p><p>It had snowed in the morning and, even if it had never reached the ground, it had left the air colder than usual. Severus pulled his coat tighter around his body and straightened his black scarf while strolling along the near deserted narrow lane. He had apparated from Grimmauld Place directly to a hidden corner in Muggle London and was now slowly walking his way towards one of his all-time favourite bookshops. It was a tiny old building made of dark bricks and it had been there for over a century. He loved it, and he loved spending his time there perusing old and new books in silence, away from the racket of the more central streets.</p><p>Upon entering, he stopped dead in his tracks. His greetings to the owner all but forgotten when a bushy mane of chestnut brown hair passed through his range of vision. It couldn’t really be Hermione. He had successfully avoided her – even if he constantly had her on his mind, – for more than a week but just the thought of her being there made his heart race. He swallowed the lump in his throat and moved towards the isles, trying not to think about her. It wasn’t her, so he could relax and enjoy his time among his precious friends – thousands of books.</p><p>The smell of old pages and ink was a balm to his senses, and after some time he was able to relax and put the memory of Hermione away for a just a little while. He was lazily leafing through the pages of a book he was interested in buying when his nose sensed her. His long fingers steeled on the pages and his head came slowly up, as if he was scared to see her again. And he perhaps was. Hermione’s scent was unique, and he had made himself so acquainted with it that he would have recognised it everywhere. It was hers, and that main of hair he had had a glimpse of upon entering the building had to be hers.</p><p>When Severus saw her, a small book clutched at her side, she was lightly stroking the many spines on the bookshelves with a delicate hand. She hadn’t seen him yet, as her back was to him, and he stayed still just looking at her. He was barely breathing, unsure of what to do. He longed to wrap his arms around her small form and kiss her on the lips, on her unruly hair, on the cheek, everywhere... However, he couldn’t.</p><p>Steeling his nerves and quieting his mind and heart, he started properly breathing again and decided to show himself. Even though he knew he had to stay away from her, he couldn’t help himself. His heart missed her deeply.</p><p>“Do you even know how many bookshops there are in London?” he drawled in a taunting voice, clearly enunciating each word.</p><p>She jumped on her feet, visibly startled by his voice and presence. Clearly, she too hadn’t expected to see him there. Slowly, she turned on her heels and when their eyes met, he nearly gasped. Her usually bright eyes were dull, and she looked like she was in some kind of pain. And perhaps she was, he thought silently, exactly like himself.</p><p>After all, he had seen her cry and plead him not to leave her. Even more, he had heard her nearly speaking those three words. He had known what she wanted to say, but he had had to stop her. Never could he have found the courage and strength to let her go if she had uttered those words because that was what he had wanted to tell her too. His feelings were strong and clear, and he still dreamt of whispering into her ear how much he loved her.</p><p>They regarded each other for a long time, before Hermione decided to break the silence and – not unexpectedly – answer his rhetorical question. But, of course, she knew the answer. “10.027.” she just said, her tone weary, without leaving his eyes.</p><p>“Of course, you do.”</p><p>Again, the silence stretched between them, until Hermione breathed deeply through her nose and moved towards him. “How are you?”</p><p>“I am well…” he answered, before asking himself. “You?”</p><p>“I miss you.” Her answer made his heart clench and he had to momentarily avert his eyes in order to keep his control in check. When his eyes found her face, he only called her name in a threatening way, hoping she would stop before it was too late. He didn’t want to leave her just yet, but he couldn’t risk she got too close to him again. At hearing her name on his lips her eyes darkened even more, and a strong sadness overtook him, but she let the matter drop changing the subject. “Did you receive Professor McGonagall’s letter too?”</p><p>“I did.”</p><p>The letter… he couldn’t say he had forgotten about it, but it hadn’t really been the first thing on his mind as of late. The Headmistress’ owl had reached him one morning, just a few days earlier, while he was trying to get some of the potions on his lists done. Her words had been straight to the point, letting him know that he was expected to show at Hogwarts for a small interview concerning what had transpired through the articles and photos that have been published in the Daily Prophet on Valentine’s Day.</p><p>It hadn’t come as a surprise to know that an investigation was being made, but it was one more pain in his ass. Severus had already too much to think about without the need to add that to the list.</p><p>“Aren’t you worried?” Hermione asked, her eyes big, biting her lower lip in a gesture he had come to know all too well. She was anxious, and she couldn’t stop torturing her mouth with her own teeth.</p><p>“About that?” he answered sardonically, before shrugging. “Not really.”</p><p>“How can you not be?” her voice was surprised but at the same time worried and in a way, he was glad to hear she cared for him so much. “They could prosecute you, even send you to Azkaban!”</p><p>The thought of Azkaban made him shiver slightly. After the war, Hermione together with Potter, Minerva and the other members of the Order, had helped clear his criminal record. However, he knew all too well what it meant to be one of the Prison’s guests. After the first war, as one of Voldemort’s branded Death Eaters, he had been taken into custody for three nights before Albus Dumbledore came to his rescue. He shuddered thinking at what those days had been, in the company of the Dementors and his most heart-shattering memories. His Occlumency shields had helped him greatly overcome the worst of them, but still he had felt the cold seep through his body and freeze his bones.</p><p>Back then, he had already bound himself to Dumbledore long before, but he still had had to wait for the ancient man to do his magic. Albus, as Supreme Mugwump of the International Confederation of Wizards and Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, had been very influential and no one had really dared to question his words. He had vouched for Severus Snape, and he had been free – sort of. Hell had just begun, but he was already a broken man. Lily had died, because of him.</p><p>Shaking his head, Severus came back to the present and regarded the concerned witch before him. She was a mess and he knew, from the look of her, that his rejection had hurt her deeply. She had gone there to look for comfort, exactly like himself… they were so similar.</p><p>“They won’t.” he declared, before explaining further. “It’s an internal investigation and the Board of Governors doesn’t want to put his school in a bad light. Therefore, they will try their best to find a way out.”</p><p>Her face contorted in consternation, and a sudden rage overtook her. Mindless of the fact that a bookshop was supposed to be a quiet place, she raised her voice. “But that’s horrible!” she protested, outraged. “How can they not think about the students? If someone is – “</p><p>“Does it really surprise you, after everything you have gone through?” Severus interrupted her, moving a little closer to her, as if with that he could calm her. “I was nearly killed when I was sixteen, and nothing was done against the perpetrators. Instead, I was ordered to keep it a secret, as if nothing had ever happened that night!” Only thinking about what had happened that night in the Shrieking Shack made him fume, and he had to lightly caress the edges of his consciousness to calm down his emotions. Breathing deeply, he closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again and clearing his throat. “And besides,” he continued with a calmer tone. “I have hardly had any improper behaviour towards you when you were my student, nor have you tried to seduce me in any way during your school years. Therefore, they won’t find anything… because they don’t want to and, moreover, because there is nothing to find.”</p><p>“You are right…” she conceded after a few seconds deep in thought. However, her face was still troubled, and her light freckles stood out in the dim light of the room. “Are you meeting her on Wednesday?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“3 pm?” he only nodded. “She wants to speak with the both of us together, then.”</p><p>“She wants the truth.”</p><p>“Doesn’t she know already?”</p><p>“Yes, but she is a meddlesome old hag who loves gossiping.” He smirked, and she giggled. For a moment, it seemed like nothing had ever happened, and a small grin appeared on his lips.</p><p>“Really? I would never have taken Professor McGonagall for the gossip type.”</p><p>“Oh, trust me, she is!” Their mirth was however short lived, and they soon found themselves at a loss for words. They regarded each other in silence for some time, then he saw her blush and avert her eyes. He wished he could see in her mind what thoughts had made her cheeks colour, but he would never betray her trust by entering her mind uninvited. Hermione clutched tightly to her chest the book she had been holding, her eyes on the floor, and he darted a look at it and was pleased with her choice. “Are you going to buy that?”</p><p>“Have you read it?” she asked, startled by his deep voice. It was a small dark volume, and he had read it not long before. Severus loved poetry, and the intimacy of women words always made his heart beat faster.</p><p>“She writes beautiful nature-inspired poetry; you will love it.”</p><p>“I picked it because…” she started, then something gave her pause. She swallowed the lump in her throat, but then met his obsidian eyes and held on them. “I picket it because it reminded me of you.” Hermione declared with a firm but gentle voice, and he knew she longed to kiss him as much as he wanted to kiss her. Glancing at the cover, she raised it and showed it to him, reading the small piece of poetry that was written in it. <em>‘To love me you must also love the dark.’</em></p><p>That same sentence had sparked deep emotions in him when he had first read it, and it still gave him the goosebumps when he happened upon it. He had thought of himself too, and of his dark nature that always when against him whenever he tried to righten his life. Hermione knew that, but she had nonetheless accepted him. She had accepted his darkness and loved it. Loving it, she had loved him whole.</p><p>“She is talking about you.” She murmured, her eyes glossy and her lips slightly parted. He longed to caress them with his own and tickled them with his tongue. He longed to press her small body to his strong chest and make love to her mouth forever. He couldn’t.</p><p>“In a way, she is.” He only said, his voice barely a whisper.</p><p>“Severus…” Hermione called him, reaching tentatively to him with her hand.</p><p>“I must go.”</p><p>He flew. Burnt.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello! Sorry for the delay! Hope you liked this chapter!</p><p>The small book Severus and Hermione are talking about is "Secrets and Stars" by Alix Klingenberg. Also, the sentence 'To love me you must also love the dark' is from her book. I love her writing and whenever I read her poetry, I often find myself thinking about Severus.<br/>Buy her book and follow her on IG, she has an amazing account!</p><p>Please, let me know what you think about this chapter!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>3<sup>rd</sup> March 1999</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>
    
  </strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>
    
  </strong>
</p>
<p>Severus was on edge. He had not slept all night, and he knew perfectly well why, and it bothered him deeply. Wednesday at arrived, and with it the terror of being back to a place he hated and loved at the same time with all his might.</p>
<p>Hogwarts was looming before his eyes in all his majesty, or at least what was left of it from the destruction of the war. Part of the castle, mostly the lower parts and gardens, was still under reconstruction, but the ancient building in itself was still beautiful. He had spent the night tossing in his bed, unable to calm his furiously beating heart and fast breathing, thinking back to dramatic past memories of his life as a child, a teenager and later on as a Potions Professor. In addition to all that, there was also the thought of Hermione taunting him every moment. He missed her deeply, and he knew that if she had been there with him, he wouldn’t have suffered so much. She would have held him in the silence of his room and helped him steel both his mind and body. Hermione was his balm, and he had distanced himself from her.</p>
<p>So stupid of him, but it was all for the better. She deserved only the best, not an old wreck like himself. And yet, when he had met her by chance at the bookshop, he had wanted to envelope her between his arms and kiss her senseless until she was sighing in pleasure and contentedness against his lips. He was in love and he had given up on her, for her own sake. Or that’s what he told himself. Perhaps, he was just afraid… afraid of losing her too.</p>
<p>Apparating at the gates, he had immediately seen her there and he had no doubt she had been waiting for him to go. However, she only received a curt nod when he passed by without even meeting her eyes. He had hurt her once more by barely acknowledging her presence, and yet in that moment he couldn’t stop himself and think about it. His intestines were in a knot and he could taste the sour bile in his mouth, moving up and down in a fluid motion. If he stopped to think about how he was feeling in that moment, he would throw up on his shoes. That’s why the man kept walking at a steady pace, the girl a few feet behind trying her best to keep up with his long strides.</p>
<p>When he reached the old mahogany front door, it opened on its own accord granting him and Hermione access. Everything seemed normal, exactly as he remembered it, and yet the ancient castle smelled differently. The Entrance Hall had been among the most damaged parts of the school, and he knew a great deal of magical power and time was being used in order to restore the place. It was beautiful, and yet it felt in a way wrong. So many people had died there in the Last Battle, Order members and students and so many innocents. He, however, was still alive even if he didn’t deserve it. Hermione…</p>
<p>Severus glanced one last time at the walls that held many of his memories, then stalked away at the same time shutting his mind down. It was in turmoil and he only wanted to escape that damn place and be back in his room at Grimmauld Place.</p>
<p>“Severus! Miss Granger!” a voice he recognised all too well interrupted his strides. He had been so caught up in the moment that her arrival had completely escaped his notice. What a spy he was if people could sneak on him that way…</p>
<p>Schooling his features in a mask of blank indifference, he turned his head to the woman that was intently looking at the two of them. Minerva McGonagall, the New Headmistress, had aged considerably from the last time he had seen her. It had been at San Mungo’s, when she had gone to see him while recovering. He hadn’t expected a visit from her and, even if it had been welcomed, it had been a surprise. The last school year, when he had been the Headmaster, the woman had done her best to make his life impossible. He couldn’t blame her for that of course, but that didn’t mean that he hadn’t hated her with all his might during those painful months. He had killed Albus, he was a traitor, and the pain he had created in her had certainly been a lot. That day, in his room at San Mungo’s, Minerva had asked for forgiveness for everything she had done against him during the school year. For him, it had already been a wonder that she had so readily accepted the truth and believed in his allegiance to the Order, so he had waved her apologies back and sneered at her. However, his heart had clenched at her display and, even if he had stayed in own usual bastard before her, he knew the woman had seen the moment his mask had suddenly vanished from his face. He had been content and had welcomed the warmth of his older colleague’s embrace when she had awkwardly hugged him.</p>
<p>Now, the Headmistress looked tired and aged, and he was sure she had a lot of work to do before the school could be ready for the reopening. Her frail figure was covered by a dark green ornate vest and a pointed black hat but, while her face looked tired, her eyes were twinkling maddeningly. That look could have easily won Albus’ glittering one.</p>
<p>“Show the way, woman!” he barked impatiently, watching the two witches hug and quietly exchange a few words. “I haven’t got all day!”</p>
<p>“Calm yourself, Severus.” Minerva said coolly, giving him a look. “There are no children around right now, so you can cease being your usual bastard for the time you will be here.”</p>
<p>At those words, Hermione snickered quietly, and he scowled but said nothing deciding instead to follow the Headmistress to the office that had previously been his as well. Upon entering, he strengthened his defences trying to keep his turmoil at bay. That office held so many horrible memories to him that he risked drawing in them if he wasn’t careful. He didn’t look around, nor glanced at Albus’ portrait, but strode purposefully towards one of the windows that gave on the school ground. So much time he had spent in that same spot looking over the children, hoping the war would end soon.</p>
<p>Minerva took her seat behind the old desk and politely asked them if they wanted some tea. He growled and, not even answering her question, started explaining the situation in broad terms. Feelings weren’t even mentioned in his account of what had transpired between Hermione and himself. The woman was very interested in what was behind their relationship, but he didn’t intend to feed her more information than was strictly needed. He still valued his privacy, and Hermione did as well.</p>
<p>They were both questioned at length and in the end, as he had previously told Hermione, Minerva assured them that the internal investigation they were going to be put under was nothing more than a way to keep people from gossiping and spread fake rumours about the staff. What they valued the most was the protection of the school’s name, nothing more.</p>
<p>Severus briefly thanked her former colleague and, after nodding in the direction of the young witch sitting with her legs crossed in front of the desk, quickly vanished throughout the ancient door. His fast strides were an indication of the fact that he wanted to escape that bloody place as soon as possible, but when he reached the Entrance Hall, his gaze moved to the stairs that led to the dungeons. He didn’t even immediately register the fact that his feet had started moving in that direction. When he did, he had already reached his old potions classroom, whose door opened at the touch of his hand. He hadn’t been the Potions Instructor for two years, but the Castle seemed to somehow still recognise his magic.</p>
<p>Everything was the same as he had last seen it.</p>
<p>His long and lean fingers brushed against those stone walls he knew better than himself, while his deep black eyes gazed around the room. His old desk, the lectern he had used so many times, and even the board where he would write down the formula of a new potion for the students to read and follow for each brewing. His natural habitat, his home. Even the desk he used to occupy as a student, last seat on the right in the first row, was still there. Breathing deeply through his nose, he went and sit down, the thing nearly not wide enough to accommodate his adult body. From there he watched the room in silence, nothing could be heard in there, and he felt content in a way he could not explain. Since his breakup with Hermione, he had felt on edge, but being there did something to his tired soul. Closing his eyes, he let himself be lulled by the silence and peace around him. His Occlumency shields slowly fell away and he was again able to breathe deeply and feel. Memories of his past flashed all around him, but it was like they could not hurt him, and he was relieved. No pain, no sufferance – not anymore.</p>
<p>He jumped on the spot, startled from his reverie, when a voice spoke softly from inside the room, just a few feet from where he was sitting.</p>
<p>“You know, I was never fully able to see Professor Slughorn occupy this room…” Hermione said, looking at him from the door. She had a calmness he had only seldomly seen on her eyes, and he somewhat relaxed slightly. She had the same calm look and soft tone of voice she had bestowed on him on the first day of the new year, in her parents’ bathroom, when he had had a panic attack. “This is your potions classroom, that is your desk…” she continued, pointing at the mahogany desk at his left, while walking towards him. “Never Slughorn’s, always yours, Severus.”</p>
<p>When she was finally before him, he raised his head and replied to her statement. “It hasn’t been my classroom for over two years.”</p>
<p>He knew he sounded bitter, and yet he couldn’t care less. Lying to her was pointless, as she always seemed to know what he was thinking and feeling. So, he wouldn’t be surprised if she perfectly knew how tormented his soul was. He had spent nearly twenty-four of his thirty-nine years inside that very classroom, at first as a student and then as a teacher. Horace Slughorn had spent many more years than him in there, and yet he felt the same as Hermione. That was his classroom, his personal space, and if he closed his eyes, he could still fill his nostrils with the scent of herbs and potions fumes. Inhaling deeply, he nearly chocked when a small warm hand tentatively caressed his hollow cheek.</p>
<p>He hadn’t even noticed that he had in fact closed his eyes again and lost himself in memories that were long lost. It wasn’t his right anymore to be there, to occupy those rooms. He had lost it the moment he had accepted to kill Dumbledore and become the new Headmaster, tarnishing the school with dark magic and death.</p>
<p>“Did you miss it?” she asked in a whisper, softly trailing her fingertips along his skin. Her caresses hurt him but, at the same time, he was starved and needed them more than anything else. That amazing creature looking at him with worried eyes cared for him deeply, and he was sending her away from him. Words didn’t come, so he just stayed there looking at her beautiful shiny eyes. The love and care in those depths astounded him every time their gazes locked and, as much as he wanted to keep her far away from him, he just couldn’t. When Hermione understood that the wizard wasn’t going to answer her question, she heavily sighed and went around to sit on the bench next to him. “You should talk to Professor McGonagall, you know…”</p>
<p>“About what?” Severus asked, his brow furrowed, twisting his body towards her.</p>
<p>It had been a while since they had been so close to each other, and his heart beat furiously at her nearness. His dark glittering eyes washed over the soft features of her kind face and her cheeks coloured slightly under his careful scrutiny. Her chocolate-coloured eyes were alight with something he wasn’t able to recognise, and the freckles on her pink skin enlightened her little nose and the cheekbones. She had a beautiful mouth and he longed to lose himself in it one more time, to savour her sweet taste and stroke his tongue along the seam of her lower lip. Her blush deepened when she noticed him staring at her mouth, but she answered nonetheless.</p>
<p>“So that she can put in a good word with the Board of Governors, and help you resume your teaching position.”</p>
<p>However, her careful words moved him deeply and he found himself snapping at her.</p>
<p>“I have no wish to teach again hundreds of dunderheads!” he spat angrily, reacting to the way she had so easily read him, and she flinched. She averted her eyes for a moment, and he saw her steel her nerves, before she spoke again.</p>
<p>“You do.” Hermione declared with certainness, one more time meeting his gaze. She was sure of herself and her words, and he had to breathe deeply through his nose to swallow down his reply. After all, she was right. “Even if you say the contrary, I know you better.”</p>
<p>No longer able to keep his gaze locked in hers, Severus swallowed thickly and averted his eyes. The truth in her words stung him, but they were true. He had at first accepted the teaching position because Albus had given him no choice, really, but also because he had no place to go. In the first years, teaching had been bearable. He didn’t like it, as only a few students possessed the natural ability of potions making, and children loved driving him crazy. However, the worst of it all had come later, when Harry Potter had set foot within the walls of Hogwarts. With the boy at the school making his life even more miserable, making him look daily into those green eyes he had loved for so long, he had hated it with all his might.</p>
<p>After the war, he had welcomed the quietness of his home and the peace brought by the death of the man that had kept the chain of his freedom for longer than he longed to remember. However, in his heart he knew something was missing, and if even Hermione could see it, then it had to be that.</p>
<p>“I can’t believe I’m such an idiot.” He said in disgust, roughly rubbing his tired eyes and forehead.</p>
<p>“It’s not that strange, Severus…” Hermione murmured, a small honest smile he couldn’t see plying on her lips, tentatively trading her fingers through those of his hand that was laying on the bench between his bodies. “Hogwarts is your home, and teaching has been your job for… how long?”</p>
<p>“Fourteen years.”</p>
<p>“You were a great teacher,” she said caressing his hollow cheek with her other hand. She was trembling slightly, he noticed immediately, and his eyes met hers again. “Even if perhaps a little bit harsh… But I learnt a lot thanks to you, and now that you are finally free, even your students will be able to appreciate you more.”</p>
<p>“As long as I don’t scare them off.” His voice came as a whisper.</p>
<p>“Yes, as long as you don’t.”</p>
<p>“However, even if that was true, they would never accept me back.”</p>
<p>“Because of last year? They know you had a role, Severus. Everyone knows it.”</p>
<p>“I watched them being tortured, Hermione!” he hissed sharply, pinning her with his hard gaze. “I sometimes had to do it myself! Don’t you understand? They were traumatised and no parent in their right mind would want to leave their children under my tutelage after everything that has happened!”</p>
<p>The previous year had been a torture, to the students as well as to himself. Wearing the ask of the heartless bastard had never been a real problem, that’s what he was, but physically hurt his students had weighted on him greatly. He wasn’t a monster but that’s how the majority of them saw him now.</p>
<p> “Severus...” she called him softly, caressing his cheek. “You have shed those masks.”</p>
<p>Releasing throughout his nose the air he had been holding, his eyes fluttered closed. Her vicinity was a balm to his soul and senses and the care Hermione gifted him with was something he had never before had from anyone. She had feelings for him, and he for her, and keeping her at arm length pained him so much it often was unbearable. But, what could he do? It wasn’t right to sacrifice her life for his own happiness, and he had no doubts that in the future she would come to hate him. Hermione was special and he cared for her, love her even. The last thing he wished for was to hurt her.</p>
<p>Time passed, and only after some time he felt her head rest on his shoulder and her hand tighten around his. Her presence was reassuring, and so was the warmth that came from her shapely body.</p>
<p>He didn’t know what to do. He loved Hermione and wanted to be with her, but at the same time he couldn’t let her life go to waste and, teaching again at Hogwarts would eventually do that. She was special to him and he could never do something like that to her.</p>
<p>If anyone had tried to enter Severus’ old potions classroom in that moment, they would have had a fit. A beautiful bushy-haired girl safely enclosed between the arms of the most detested teacher in Hogwarts history – her head on his shoulder, their breaths calm, and their faces peaceful.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>10<sup>th</sup> March 1999</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The old walls of the building once owned by the Noble and Ancient House of Black were covered in dancing lights and Muggle decorations, a very odd sight if Severus had to express his opinion on the matter. However, it was a moment of celebration and, even if he didn’t give a damn about Lupin’s birthday, he had been asked to attend. Forced, really, as Grimmauld Place had been chosen as the place for the event. Harry Potter had gathered all the Order of the Phoenix, plus some of Lupin’s former students and friends, in there in order to celebrate the Marauder who had lost the love of his life during the war.</p>
<p>He didn’t really know how to feel about it, about him. The wolf had been an enemy, but he had never really hated him. His hatred had always been mostly for Potter and Black, and in retrospect for Pettegrew too, but for Lupin it had been something different. What had always angered him was the fact that Lupin had never risen up for him against them, even if he didn’t approve of what his friends did. He would stay there and watch without doing anything, and for that he wasn’t better than his friends. As an outsider himself, Lupin should have understood him but no, he hadn’t. He had chosen instead to help make his life miserable. So, he didn’t know how to feel about his loss.</p>
<p>Tonks had been an unsufferable pranker, yet a nice person and he had found himself more than once amused by her clumsiness. She was dead now while he was not. And he now possessed what Lupin could not anymore, someone that loved him. Hermione. Yet, he had walked away from her but seemed not to be able to let her go. He knew he had not tried really hard, otherwise he would have been able to detach himself from her. The love he felt swelling inside his heart every time he felt of her was too strong not to think about or to completely forget. He loved her.</p>
<p>Breathing deeply through his nose, Severus refilled his tumbler and moved along the walls trying to pass unnoticed. He had already had one complicated conversation since he had left the room, and he now wanted to be left alone. Harry bloody Potter had cornered and all but told him to stop being an asshole and go apologise to Hermione. He didn’t know when the prat had become so insightful, or how the heck had been able to accept so easily his best friend’s love interest. The truth was that Harry Potter was his father’s son yes, but also his mother’s. He had so many of Lily’s qualities, and yet he was also different from the both of them. It pained him to admit it, but he was a better person than his parents had been, and he was on his side. On his and Hermione’s.</p>
<p>Perhaps Severus had expected the boys to make a bigger fuss about he and their best friend’s involvement, but at least Potter seemed accepting of it. For what concerned Weasley, he didn’t really care about what the redhead thought. Hermione had seemingly forgiven him for his thoughtlessness, but Severus didn’t forget so easily. The boy had hurt his girl but, even if he was sure that had not been his intention, how could he not see her discomfort? That accident had scared the hell out of her and would be a difficult scar to heal. That was why Severus had always approached her very carefully and been attentive of her reactions to his every movement. He knew that when the time comes, he would make it special for her. He would make the fear go away and her scars close permanently.</p>
<p>That thought suddenly hit Severus and forced him to shake his head. There would be no love for him if he kept sending her away. Years he had spent mourning, desiring something he could never hope for, and now that he had finally found it, he was giving up. Hermione, his joy, his love, his happiness, everything. What he desired the most was quite clear, but he loved her too deeply to ruin her life forever. He couldn’t do that to her. Swallowing a mouthful of liquor, his mind went back to the conversation he had had with Potter. Something the boy had said had struck him.</p>
<p>
  <em>“She won’t give up on you just because you have decided that’s best for her to stay away from you. She won’t.”</em>
</p>
<p>Did he really want she gave him up? He wanted her to be happy and, if possible, to be happy together with him. The distance he had put between them was hurting him but still, he couldn’t decide what in that moment was more important. The everlasting common dilemma of his entire life; what he wanted and what was right.</p>
<p>He felt pathetic in that moment, wallowing in his own pain. It was his fault, only his. He had let Hermione crawl undisturbed under his thick skin, embrace his bleeding heart and soothingly whisper at his aching soul. It was only his fault if he had let his cold heart feel, if he had allowed himself to fall in love again. But that was his heart’s desire, to have someone that cared for him enough to be at his side no matter what.</p>
<p>When his feet brought him to the small back garden he had set in order to have more potions ingredients at his disposal, he stopped abruptly. She was there, that small and beautiful creature that occupied his every thought. Severus would have recognised Hermione everywhere, even in the darkness of his own mind. Beautiful in her midnight dress, breath-taking with her court of wavy hair that cascaded along her shoulders. From where he was standing, he could see her profile illuminated by the light radiating from the moon and the few scattered charmed candles floating around them. It looked like the Great Hall at dinner time when still peace had reigned, and the Dark Lord had not yet come back to dispose of them all.</p>
<p>It was peaceful, and it took Severus a moment to calm his breathing and erratic mind. He was with her now, everything else didn’t matter. Padding silently towards her, he stopped at her side when he had reached her. Neither said a word, deciding instead to keep their gaze on the display before their eyes. The aery lights danced in the darkness creating delicate shadows. It reminded Severus of the time she had approached him at New Year’s Eve, in that same house, and opened her heart to him. That same night under the fireworks they had kissed, something he had never thought about before, and went down a new path together.</p>
<p>Chancing a look at her, he noticed Hermione’s gaze was fixed on his small garden. He was surprised when she spoke, her voice clearly showing her disappointment at his lack of interested in his project.</p>
<p>“Your plants deeply crave your touch, Severus. Why did you leave them to dry out?”</p>
<p>She was right of course, as in the last twenty or so days he had not taken care of his plants. The small bushes he had carefully set had become giant beds of nearly dead woods. He regretted now not attending to them as he should have, but his mind and heart had constantly been elsewhere. All his hard work gone to hell. However, that didn’t surprise him at all. It was a common, pretty much normal, thing that everything he cared for died, no matter how hard he tried to do the right thing.  </p>
<p>“I fear my focus has been wavering lately…” he whispered softly, a pained sound marring his voice. He didn’t want to talk about his feelings, as she perfectly knew what the problem was, so decided to change topic. “Are you studying for the start of the new term?”</p>
<p>“I fear my mind too has been wavering lately…”</p>
<p>“No matter, you would exceed the expectations even if you didn’t open any book.”</p>
<p>Hermione could pass with flying colours any subject at any time and with not much stress, really. Everyone knew that, but her it seemed. She strived to be the best, to show everything she knew and how well she did. That was something that he had detested when he had been his professor, but now that he was more familiar with her, he understood a little bit more why she was like that and couldn’t blame her for it. In that aspect they were very similar.</p>
<p>“Perhaps.” the girl sighed. “I find school is not my major thought at this moment of my life…” Then, her eyes met his and he was immediately drawn the sadness he found in them. “I miss you.”</p>
<p>And Severus missed her too, but he had to be strong.</p>
<p>“Hermione, please.” He tried, raising a lean hand between their bodies, but she interrupted him and her voice had a strength he had so rarely heard in her voice.</p>
<p>“No, Severus.” She stated, turning fully on him. “I can’t accept it, I just can’t, but perhaps for you this is not as important as I thought it was.”</p>
<p>Those words hurt him deeply and, as his eyes hardened and his face became a white mask, he sputtered. “Is that what you think?”</p>
<p>“One month has passed Severus and you are more confused than ever. Moreover, you are confusing me.” She explained, distractedly moving a strand of hair from her face. “At the bookshop you could have walked away as I hadn’t noticed you, and in the dungeons you nearly kissed me. Today? I stayed away from you all night but again, you came to me.” Her tirade slowly came to a stop and the girl exhaled slowly, her eyes sorrowful. When she spoke again, she was somewhat subdued, and her voice came out as a pleading whisper. “What do you really want? You asked me to stay away from you, and yet you can’t seem to do the same with me. I want you Severus, because alas, I love you. But you? What do you really want? Make peace with your mind, please.”</p>
<p>
  <em>She loves me.</em>
</p>
<p>She had said it, that she loved him. This time he had not been able to stop her, or perhaps he hadn’t wanted to. She loved him, and he had no doubts that was true. The witch had abundantly showed him that her feelings ran deep and that she would do anything in order to stay with him. She loved him, and he was rejecting her. Why? Why couldn’t he for once be happy?</p>
<p>It was true that he had been sending her mixed signals, but he didn’t know himself what to do in that situation. It pained him to know that happiness was so close to him, and yet he couldn’t bring himself to reach for it and let it, <em>her</em>, envelope him between its arms, <em>hers</em>.</p>
<p>Looking into her chocolate eyes, he nearly lost it. She was beautiful, caring, and in love with him and he was being the foulest of fools. “Do you really think I don’t know?” he asked her, the mask he had erected slipping away once more and leaving space to softer contours. The fire in his heart had burnt down the ice in his eyes and all that remained was a bitter and mournful face. “What I have got with you Hermione, I have never had with anyone. And yet, it’s wrong. This is about you, not about me.”</p>
<p>“Why is it wrong, Severus? Why? Because the general audience says so? I don’t bloody care!” she snapped, raising her voice and trying her best not to fist her hands. She was getting flustered and so was he. They had already had that same conversation.</p>
<p>“Hermione, I’m 20 years older than you and I have been your professor!” Severus tried to explain again. “People are going to misjudge you, can’t you understand?”</p>
<p>“I don’t care! I want it, you want it… Even my parents want it! And do you know why? Because they know you are a good man, despite everything you may have done in your life, and because you make me happy!” Her eyes were blazing, her heart so full of wild emotions. She looked gorgeous, he noticed, but then his attention was brought back by her next words. “Why can’t you understand? I love you. I love you, Severus.”</p>
<p>
  <em>She loves me.</em>
</p>
<p>“It’s wrong.” He repeated again shaking his head.</p>
<p>It was in that very moment that something he had not seen coming happened. Hermione’s eyes hardened, her hair flew around her head as if supported by the wind, and her magic flared around them. The small candles floating around them suddenly stopped lightening the night and they were both plunged into darkness. Her fists grabbed his white shirt and in a swift movement her face was just mere inches from his, her sweet lips nearly touching his mouth. He could only see her eyes, blazing in the cold air of the night, and feel her breath on his skin.</p>
<p>“I’m not giving up on us.” She whispered, her voice hard and unwavering. “I don’t fear your stubbornness, Severus, it just fuels my own. I AM NOT GIVING UP ON US!” she then repeated, pronouncing every word very slowly and clearly, as if he would ever forget them. Then, in a much softer tone, she added. “And <em>‘When we come together again I will kiss you ‘til the stars collapse ‘til the world tilts toward oblivion.’</em>”</p>
<p>Then, she left.</p>
<p>Her breath on his lips only a memory drifting off towards emptiness.</p>
<p>She had left, tears at the corner of her eyes.</p>
<p>And the only thing he wanted was to drown himself in the sorrow of his heart.</p>
<p>
  <em>She loves me.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello readers! So sorry for the delay but I had to take some time off writing, I really needed it. It overwhelms me deeply as I feel everything my characters do and sometimes it's just too much.</p>
<p>Please, let me know what you think about this chapter! The story is coming to an end, unfortunately, and only a few chapters are left. Stay with me 'til the end, will you? :)</p>
<p>One of the last sentences in the chapter, the one in Italics, is a quote from "Secrets and Stars" by Alix Kingenberg, same author of the poem from chapter 9! Read it, it's amazing!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>